Fark NotNewsletter: We have come here to chew ass and kick bubble gum

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1617217631-8753-55304 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 90094](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well. Ne= ws Cycle Meta Report: I haven't seen a week as slow as this one since maybe= 2015. Which is pretty welcome; at times over the past few years= , it felt like triple overtime work hours. Consider the fact that a s= hip stuck in the Suez was big news for several days. Sure, it had a big imp= act, but there wasn't much action to report on. Day 1: [Ship is stuck](3D"). Day 2: Ship is = still stuck. Day 3: One of the other ships is [chock full of seꭗ toys](3D"). Day 4: [Ship is still stuck](3D"). You get the idea. For weeks now we've teased the [Swear Jar](3D") concept, and some of you have noti= ced that recently there haven't been any updates. The reason for that= is when we started building the functionality, we realized there was some = other groundwork to lay first. Groundwork for potentially dozens of o= ther fun things in the future. Want to know more about what these mig= ht be? Head on over to TotalFark and join us, the [discussion is live right now](3D"). An= d if you don't have TotalFark, [here's where to sign up](=3D" p; One of the benefits is getting to have input on and hear about new featu= res in advance. Today's discussion opens the door to a number of possibilit= ies in 2021. Come join the conversation. The [Fark News Livestream](3D") will return next week - Dallan's on a busi= ness trip so we're taking a spring break hiatus. Watch for new livest= reams next week. ________________________ A message from DisseminationMonkey: ________________________&n= bsp; Just a quick note: The [I saw a t= urtle](3D" thread turned 18 last week! Yes, it says at the top of the thread= that it was posted in 2006, but if you look at the first comment in the th= read, the time stamp shows it was actually March 21, 2003. With all the thi= ngs that have been shuffled around since the thread was first posted as a Fark Classified, the date on top of the threa= d ended up getting changed. Anyway, I just wanted to share a little somethi= ng to make you feel old. XOXO, DisseminationMonkey= trong> ________________________ We now return you to your usu= al Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Top Comments Some of th= e top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Fu= nny: I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That gave a preview of what it will be like when Bo B= urnham plays Larry Bird for an HBO series mrshowrules = ng> showed [a man who is accused of us= ing his ninja skills to establish an alibi and commit murder](3D".=) Eric Shun knew that [t= here are always two sides to every story about people handling creatures th= ey don't know are deadly](3D" diIdo tontine told us&nbs= p;[how to use a natural remedy to recover = from COVID-19](3D") Pocket Ninja gave instructions for&n= bsp;[making your own sawed-off shotgun](3D")Gubbo explained why [it won't be a problem for Elon Musk's company to construct a high-speed= tunnel for Miami](3D" pdxbarista was [upset about Jessica Walter's death](3D") Subt= onic felt [defensive when edmo](3D"htt=) criticized the man who damaged a Scientology building's= cameras with a laser Albert911emt answered the qu= estion, ["What would you do if this random = Oregon man removed his mask at the grocery and kissed your 1-year-old = baby on the lips?"](3D"=) kazrak was [ready to live the dream](3D") Bonus FarkStaff Pi= ck: GardenWeasel knew [the perfect thing for a good dog who quickly dug a trench when = someone poured water on the ground](3D" Smart: ed= mo had a theory about [peopl= e who move to new and exciting cities and then don't like it there](3D" diIdo tontine told us [how to use a natural remedy to recover from COVID-19](3D" Pocke= t Ninja gave instructions for [making your own sawed-off shotgun](3D" namegoeshere = talked about [people who "line jump" t= o get the vaccine sooner](3D"=) mofa received [a message that meandered like a restless wind in= side a letter box that tumbled blindly as it made its way across the univer= se](3D") rewind2846 [rui= ned all my plans for next weekend](3D" damageddude disc= ussed [eyewitness testimony that was u= sed to convict a ninja of murder](3D".=) I Browse predicte= d [what a teacher who forgot to log ou= t of Zoom before going on a racist rant will say next](3D") Mattyt= heMouse figured out the pla= n for dealing with climate change syrynxx was = ;[disappointed by an article about a woma= n who accidentally showed her "cooter" on social media](3D") CSB S= unday Morning: [Spr= ing Break Edition](3D"https://=) Smart: bcostlow shared&= nbsp;[lessons learned from volunteering in = Tijuana](3D") Smart, runner up (because it was voted smartest in [a previous CSBSM](3D")): The Pope of = Manwich Village managed to [defy e= xpectations as a young DJ](3D" Funny: Sexy Jesus = g> had [spring break plans that suffer= ed a series of setbacks](3D"=) CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is = a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a = weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, ple= ase [contact Farkback](3D"=) ahead of time, or just [submit it](3D" on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Mor= ning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no gua= rantee they will be. TotalFark Discussion: Note: This se= ction can only be accessed by [TotalFarkers](=3D" Sm= art: valanienna gave [the brutally honest truth about brutal honesty](3D" Funny:= m> puffy999 played the ["misspell a Farker's name" game with KangTheMad](3D" Smart: leeksfromchichis discussed [nudity in movies](3D") Funny: To= mFooolery [helpfully figured out what](3D"https://=)[this thing on Murfle= tte's deck was](3D"=) Funny: Beeblebrox = made [a generous offer to support Rev.K](3D".=)'s new radio show Funny: Snaps wasn't sure about [trusting flucto](=3D" advice on properly caring for cast iron cookware= a> Funny: merrillvillain offered [advice about repairs on a '91 Nissan Stanza](3D") Politics Funny: Shostie pointed out tha= t [Donald Trump actually has one good = idea for his upcoming social media platform](3D") I Ate Shergar = strong> knew that [Trump would have t= o pass on some subscription models](3D"https=) I am Tom Joad's Complete = Lack of Surprise noticed [a = bad sign when a heavily-armed man was arrested at Publix](3D" The= Pope of Manwich Village explained [why Dominion will definitely win their defamation lawsuits](3D" duppy showed us [what= was airing on Fox News](3D" Politics Smart: Pock= et Ninja responded to [an op= -ed that attempted to defend Christian nationalism](3D" Mollari examined [the argument that = Washington, D.C. shouldn't be a state because the Founding Fathers didn't i= ntend for it to be one](3D"https=) Ambivalence [volunteered some people to help Trump with his social med= ia platform](3D") arrogantbastich looked at [the kind of agenda Senator Mike Rounds is interes= ted in pushing](3D"), but WithinReason came in with&nb= sp;[a good counterpoint](3D") Pork= belly thought that there ne= eds to be more focus on the worst part of Georgia's new voter suppression l= aw Top Contest Entries= u> Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, list= ed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Yammering_Splat_Vector enjoyed = listening to music with the cat Yammering_Splat_Vector = ong> [protested against boyfriends with wan= dering eyes](3D") zeon had just [one flickering light](3D") kabloink went t= o [a concert with no social distancing= necessary](3D") bugdozer showed [yet another cat causing chaos and destruction](3D") RedZoneTuba discovered [P= enguin's bomb budget isn't what it used to be](3D" I_Am_Weasel = strong> was [ready to see Egypt](3D"=) samsquatch showed us [how kitty got her stripe](3D" Yammering_Splat_Vector = found out that [Alice ate too many mu= shrooms](3D"https:/=) RedZoneTuba uncovered [evidence that Phil Spector had a secret accomplice= a> Fartist Friday:](3D")Homage to springkabloink drew [a = chonky cat sniffing a spring bloom](3D" This week's Fartist = Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: We're c= elebrating "National Find a Rainbow Day" by making a "rainbow" out of thing= s we have at home. Create your own real-life rainbow out of various red, or= ange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet things lined up in that o= rder, or use things to make a "rainbow" with the classic rainbow shape, but= using the colors of your choice, then post a photo of your creation. Farktography: [Spr= ing has sprung again](3D"htt=) This one ended in a three-way tie with common sense is an oxymoron's [hungry hungry hummingbird](3D" MorningBreath's&nbs= p;[dewdrops on rosebushes](3D") and kittyhas1000legs' [Mothe= r and Father Goose](3D" Fark = Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy= ong>) Another fun time on the Quiz this week, now broadcast in Dolby= Digital 5.1 Surround. On the Quiz itself, Oak came out on= top with 942, followed by iron de havilland in secon= d with 932 and runwiz in third with 920. bud jones made fourth with 918, and a far candle= rong> came in fifth with 907. The hardest question on the Hard Quiz = was about which noted scientist patented a refrigerator with no moving part= s, got a court case against a civil rights icon dismissed by merely offerin= g to testify on his behalf, was once offered the presidency of a foreign co= untry, and won a Nobel prize awarded because no one nominated met the crite= ria. Only 39% of quiztakers knew that Albert Einstein was the sole Nobel La= ureate amongst the choices (In 1922, he was awarded the 1921 prize because = it was not given out the previous year). They might have also known he was = offered the (ceremonial) office of President of Israel when the modern coun= try was first formed. Or they could have known of his work with his former = student Leó Szilárd in developing a heat-exchanging refrigera= tor. Or they knew that Einstein's threat of testifying on behalf of N= AACP founder W.E.B. Dubois in his trial for acting as a "foreign agent" wou= ld bring so much negative publicity to the government that it was better to= simply dismiss the case, All in all, there was a lot to respect about him = separate from his work in physics. The easiest question on the = Hard Quiz was about which river in the United States is traditionally = dyed green each St. Patrick's Day. 88% of quiztakers knew that it was the C= hicago River that had the... "honor"? Which some people think is weird beca= use Boston has a much higher percentage of people with Irish Heritage yet d= oesn't dye their river. Then again, Chicago has a bigger Italian population= than Boston but still call their meat casseroles "pizza", so go figure.&nb= sp; The hardest question on the Easy quiz was about "Aplets & Co= tlets". Only 36% of quiztakers recognized the name of a candy made for the = past 100 years by Liberty Orchards in Washington state from leftover apples= and apricots. And if the other 64% want to try them, they'd better hurry, = as the company has announced they'll no longer be producing the fruit, nut,= and sugar-based confections after next month, as sales have fallen too har= d to recover during the pandemic. The easiest question on the = Easy Quiz was about Nancy Wilson and which band she was associated with, al= ong with her sister Ann. 91% of quiztakers recognized her as the guitarist = and sometimes-vocalist for the band Heart, famous for grungy riffs like in = the song "Barracuda".and her more melodic vocals on "These Dreams". If you missed out on the Quiz, you can [catch up righ= t here](3D". Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again= this week. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1713, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1617217631-8753-55304--