Fark NotNewsletter: Fark's going into "9/11 mode" this week. Here's what that means

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1584481605-25068-57179 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 7506](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ So this past week seems like it's lasted a decade. = Every day is 9/11 all over again, and I don't mean from a panic perspective= , I mean the pace at which new impossible things are happening is incessant= . At any rate, for the near future, Fark is going to be shifting to a= 9/11 footing, which was the first time we switched to a mostly real news f= ormat. I'm still going to try to keep it funny, but just so everyone i= s aware, that won't necessarily be the prime reason articles are greenlit f= or the near future. Usually when I greenlight links, I set them to g= o live sometime in the future - lately I've been pushing them live immediat= ely. That's probably going to continue as long as things stay serious. Additionally, we'll be posting more non-news related links to see how ev= eryone's doing. Feel free to submit them, let us know what you need.&= nbsp;Farkers are a weird bunch, but when the going gets tough, they always = come through like superheroes. Submitters' corner: You guys are crus= hing it with your submissions, as usual. I did want to drop a note th= at it finally happened - as much as I personally like beating a joke into t= he ground I'm actually finally getting over the "x is closed, y out front s= hould have told you" riff, so let's keep that one to a minimum. Also = to the Farker who figured out I will probably greenlight about anything I r= etweet, thank you so much for saving me an extra step. Finally, remem= ber to do more than just summarize the article, add a great riff as well.&n= bsp; Even if it's weird. Especially if it's weird. We could use more = weird these days. On this week's [Fark and Schnitt podcast](3D"), we compare New York C= ity versus Kentucky experiences during Covid times, although Todd's coworke= rs testing positive while he was on-air takes first prize. Plus, I announce= some changes coming to Fark as we move to a war footing. And some of= this is actually funny - [have a listen](3D"ht=). ________________________ We no= w return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ____________________= ____ Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the= past week Funny: sithon gave a reason= for not identifying as [one of the "at= hetits" some jerk wanted to give "the corona virus" to](3D=) scott= ydoesntknow reacted to news that [Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19](3D" iheartscotch had [a question about Tom Hank= s' diagnosis](3D"=) HighlanderRPI shared [good news for all of us in these virusy times](3D") Olympic Trolling Judge made [a suggestion for replacing NBA games](3D" - [and then it happened!](3D") = TheSwizz knew [exactl= y why the Disney parks had to close down for now](3D" Prank Call = of Cthulhu [took exception to anot= her Farker's comment](3D"https:/=) King of Monkeys wouldn't let = anyone [get in the way of good hygiene Trocadero figured that](3D"=)[this guy might feel like he got a little too Big](3D" Prank Call of Cthulhu told us [wh= at happened with Rapmaster2000's hoarding](3D" elvisaintdead showed [why= young and healthy people need to engage in social distancing](3D" Bonus FarkStaff Picks: Fun thread: [Farkers generat= ed hand washing infographics based on song lyrics](3D") Fun thread: To blow off some steam, Farkers sha= red COVID-19 jokes and memes Smart: italie had a [suggestion that wound up hap= pening for a lot of people](3D"=) mjjt shared information= about [what went wrong in Italy](3D"=) Polezni Durak felt [betrayed by a bigot's bad spelling](3D" Gubbo pointed = out [a bad omen on Fark](3D"=) = Archie Goodwin compared [a he= adline about Italy to what a similar one would say about the U.S.](3D" fragMasterFlash defended [comparing our current situation to "The Stand"](3D" MattytheMo= use thought that [a lot of pe= ople who are hoarding supplies are making questionable choices](=3D" Iamos explained that ["ele= ctive surgery" doesn't mean what people commonly think it means](3D" asciibaron described [how= people who work in bars feel about someone who goes to a bar alone and get= s annoyed if anyone tries to talk to them](3D" optikeye = rong> shared a story about [being stran= ded when a cruise ended early because of a hurricane](=3D" Bonus F= arkStaff Pick: hardinparamedic shared [a great source for information about COVID-19](3D")= . Thank you I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account = trong> for calling attention to this post and [explaining why it's such a helpful link](3D" CSB Sunday M= orning: [The = change an hour can make](3D"=) Smart: No Catchy Nickname = ong> had [an hour turn out to be very, = very long](3D"=) Funny: Redwolfhollow experience= d [a crisis due to not knowing about th= e time change](3D") CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread w= here Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topi= c. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please [su= bmit it](3D" on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'= ll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobi= es). TotalFark Discussion: Note: This sectio= n can only be accessed by [TotalFarkers](3D"ht=) Funny:= m> GalFriday shared a story about [getting permanently banned from Twitter, but winning the ar= gument anyway](3D") Smart: dark side of the moon = > took time out of a lunch break to [sa= ve some doggos on the freeway](3D" Smart: croesius = ong> posted [a bare root pic](3D"=) Funny: no1curr shared a personal tidbit upon hearin= g that ["the run on tampons has started= "](3D"=) Funny: MissFeasance knew [who submitted a thread to complain about being shame= d after sending WIE](3D") Politics Funny: Weatherk= iss felt [optimistic when Do= nald Trump announced a news conference](3D"http=) Sub Human c= orrected another [Farker's reaction to Trump= 's tweet claiming he's doing a better job with COVID-19 than Joe Biden= did with H1N1](3D"=) Mike_LowELL praised [the power of prayer](3D") i ignore u = g> countered the claim that Trump's gr= andfather died from the Spanish flu bobtheme took = a guess at [who brought COVID-19 to the= Conservative Political Action Conference](3D".=) Bonus FarkStaff Pi= ck: Fun thread: Farkers shared [more illustrations for Arizona R= ep. Paul Gosar's "been thinking about life and mortality" tweet](3D") = Politics Smart: Devolving_Spud accurately pre= dicted [Trump's performance in Friday's= news conference](3D"=) Chariset had a clever retort to Trump's complaints about news coverage of th= e White House response to the virus FlashHarry tho= ught [the way Bernie Sanders and his support= ers blame "the establishment" seemed familiar](3D") pkjun = > described [how poor stock market perf= ormance affects average Americans](3D"=) styckx had = an apt [comparison for Trump's "BIGGEST= STOCK MARKET RISE IN HISTORY" last week](3D"=) Top Contest Entries Some of the top-vote= d contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: damat01 commissioned = [the best artist to paint this scene](3D") = Circusdog320 [caught this= pup in a foul mood](=3D" DarkJohnson discovered [what it takes to be a star player of the spor= t of ulama](3D") noazark found someone who [opposes the use of disinfecting robots in China](3D")= hail2daking showed us [some Dude enjoying a drink at the park](3D" Terrapin Bound= [gave this Bronco some friends](3D".=)= > CrossEyed revealed [the kind of training Starfleet officers go through](3D" damat= 01 [took this contest on a low-spe= ed chase](3D"=) noazark spotted [a surprising attendee of the Yalta Conference](3D") ha= il2daking convened a gatheri= ng of men in white robes Captions: For [Caption these young researchers](3D"): = CrazyCurt discovered [how we ended up in this situation](3D" For [Have you decided what will be on your tombstone?](3D"):= Weatherkiss had no tr= ouble deciding on an epitaph HighlanderRPI wanted&= nbsp;[to go with last words for the tombston= e](3D") johnny_stingray figured out [how to get the last word in an argument](3D") Far= ktography: Farktography Contest No. 775: "[Melancholia](3D")" ended in a tie between FuLinHyu= ong>'s [invisible swingers](3D"=) and = ;Lovesandwich's [woman= frozen in prayer](3D" Farktography is Fark's weekly photography cont= est. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact = ;[Elsinore](3D"=). Beyond Fark We're very sad to have learned of= the loss of Farker Mudbuggy. He was a longtime Farke= r and friend to many in our community. You can pay your respects in [Mudbuggy's memorial thread](3D"). Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you = by ox45tallboy) Another great time on the Quiz= last week, but unfortunately for our top finisher, the 1000 club is closed= for deep cleaning. Not because of coronavirus, it's just one of the mods l= eft their dirty socks under the couch and Drew has to worry about insurance= liability. Congratulations go to FrancoFile, who tak= es top honors with 1018, followed by RichardII in sec= ond with 985 and sugaryvitamin in third with 984.&nbs= p;rebelyell2006 made fourth with 978, and Gra= vitationally Challenged rounds out the top five with 968. T= he hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over a man's choice of vehicles fo= r a low-speed pursuit through the street's of Pittsburgh. Only 29% of quizt= akers knew that the domestic violence suspect's choice of an ambulance was = in one way a good idea on the surface, being that he was suffering from a g= unshot wound, but he would have probably been better off being treated in t= he back with someone else driving. It's also not really a mode of transport= ation you can "lose the cops" in. The easiest question on the = Hard Quiz was over what got Miss Staten Island barred from the Staten Islan= d St., Patrick's Day Parade. 87% of quiztakers knew that she had come out a= s bisexual in an interview the week before. Apparently in Staten Island the= y have a reputation to maintain, although I'm not sure if it's the reputati= on they think they have. The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was o= ver the character Li Shang in the upcoming live-action version of Disney's = Mulan. Only 30% of quiztakers knew that the producers felt that in the era = of #MeToo, having a commanding general also be the love interest was not a = good look. Mulan's love interest in the new movie is a soldier equal to her= rank. For the record, Chinese censors had no problem with the character, a= s the situation is similar to the legend the movie was based on. The= easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which celebrity had an ironic = fall while talking about work and life "balance." 95% of quiztakers kn= ew that it was Oprah Winfrey who had taken a tumble. She did pick herself b= ack up with grace, commenting that "now [it] becomes a meme". I hate to dis= appoint her, but I just can't come up with a good caption for it. Oprah eve= n gets embarrassed with awesome style. Congratulations to the winner= s, and be sure to check out this week's Fark Weird News Q= uiz. 2020 Fark Fic= tion Anthology Submission Information (brought to you by toraque) It's here! The 2020 Fark Fiction = Anthology is now open for submissions! We're looking for the best sho= rt fiction up to 10,000 words in any of the following genres: - Fant= asy - Science Fiction - Humor - Horror - Mystery/Suspense/Thril= ler As always, entries will be judged by our crack team of editors a= nd Farkers, and the best submissions will be published in paperback and Kin= dle e-book editions! Best of all, all proceeds will go to St. Jude Ch= ildren's Research Hospital, so it's all for a good cause! Have a sto= ry to tell? Want to show your fellow Farkers your literary genius?&nb= sp; Send us what you've got! [The 2020 Fark Fi= ction Anthology Official Entry And Submissions Page](=3D") You can see = what your fellow Farkers have come up with over the previous four years rig= ht here! [Heart of Farkness: The 2016 Fark Fiction Anthology](3D"=) [Through = a Scanner Farkly: The 2017 Fark Fiction Anthology](3D") [Everybody Panic: The 201= 8 Fark Fiction Anthology](3D") [Oh, No, Not Again!: The 2019 Fark Fiction Anthology](=3D") --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1713, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1584481605-25068-57179--