Fark NotNewsletter: What Drew's up to, plus your chance to get your writing published in an actual physical book

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1562191154-95963-58703 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 2716](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ Hey everyone - happy July 4th weekend! Or almost, a= nyhow. I've had some crazy travel lately and there's lots of stuff going on= . Let's get down to it! [Louisville/Jeffersonv= ille Fark Party](=3D") July 12th! A longtime Farker who runs one of the = dozens of Fark-related Facebook groups and his mom are visiting the area, a= nd it seemed like a great time to have one, plus it's been a while since we= had a local one. We'll be at The Red Yeti, a venue known for its gre= at craft beer selection, and one that I stumbled into accidentally back in = 2013 to find they had a keg of w00tstout on. [= San Diego Comic Con Fark Party at Stone Liberty Station](3D") July 18th! = ; Stone does a huge party to celebrate the launch of w00tstout every year, = this year's batch is 7.0. [Tickets can be purchased here](=3D"). Come check it out - in particula= r, I'm doing a new beer with Rebecca Watson called Gamer Tears, which is a = salt cucumber lime gose with turmeric and rose water. That combinatio= n probably sounds strange, but Stone's brewmaster says it turned out fantas= tic! Also attending will be (among others) Aisha Tyler, who will be pouring= her own beer, so if you've ever wanted to meet her, now's the time. &= nbsp; Sometime this month, I'll be hosting a fundraiser in Lexington= for my charity ride across New York at the end of July. Every year s= ince we brewed w00tstout 1.0, I've received a keg that I've kept at the Cha= se Brewing Company in downtown Lexington. Now seems like the perfect = time to put the keg of 1.0 on. Date's TBA, and if we manage to float that k= eg, I'll put on a keg of w00tstout 2.0 so we can keep going. More on = this in a bit. Meanwhile, if anyone's feeling like donating to help fight c= ancer, [please do so here](3D".=). Finally, if you haven't already, don't forget to [sign up for To= talFark](3D" [Office hours Friday last week](3D"https://w=) (TotalFark only) was a very i= nteresting discussion about how advertising works on the internet and how a= dvertisers try to retarget you as you move from site to site. I'm fly= ing this Friday evening, which means I'll be both drinking and bored on a p= lane, so you know what that means: hilarity is sure to ensue. [Sign = up for TotalFark today](3D" so you can find out what all that's about. And that's (finally) it for this week! Everyone stay safe and don't= do anything that would land you in the news on Fark's main page ___= _____________________ And now.... ________________= ________ A special message from toraque: &= nbsp; ________________________ It's the start of July= , and you know what that means! Well, yeah, fireworks and cookouts an= d all that. But even more important, we're down to one month to go for subm= issions for the fourth annual Fark Fiction Anthology! [The 2019 Fark Fiction Anthology](3D") That's right, we're loo= king for high quality short fiction from Farkers of all ages! Our tea= m of editors is standing by to select the best entries, which will be publi= shed on Amazon with all proceeds going to an excellent charity chosen by yo= ur fellow Farkers! New to writing? And old hand with hundreds of nove= ls to your name? Either way, let the world see what you've got! We'r= e looking for original fiction no longer than 10,000 words in length, in an= y of the following genres or categories: · Fantasy · Science Fiction ·&nbs= p; Humor · Horror &mid= dot; Suspense/mystery/thriller Submissions close = on July 31. [Terms and condit= ions](3D"=) apply. Entries will be folded, stamped, and spindled. = Wipe hands on pants. Interested? You can see what your fellow = Farkers have done in the last few years at these links! [Heart of Farkness: Th= e 2016 Fark Fiction Anthology](3D") [Through a Scanner Farkly: The 2017 Far= k Fiction Anthology](3D") [Everybody Panic! The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology Want to become part of Fark Literary Greatness? Want to ca= st your flowery genius as pearls before swine? Want to inflict Vogon = Poetry on some hapless editors?](3D"h=)[Send us what you've= got!](=3D") ________________________ We now return you to y= our usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Votes Some o= f the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: NateAsbestos made [a very unfortunate typo, but deserved it for the earworm](3D")= > Farking Clown Shoes [refused to be in a commercial that koder suggested](3D" bearded clamorer explained [why a woman couldn't pay half price for a cake just because she ate= the other half of it while shopping](3D" Sin_City_Superhero = rong> helped figure out [who the woman = was who ate half a cake while shopping](3D=) MrBallou fi= gured out [the secret to survive withou= t food by only consuming air](3D"=) markie_farkie defende= d [the person who misspelled "stop" at = an intersection](3D") ralphjr showed us [how we know Hooters is a quality restaurant](3D") Calypsocookie [welcomed every= one to Fark](3D=) guestguy demonstrated [how you can get energy from breathing instead of from = food](3D") LordOfThePings sent out [a well-timed greeting](3D") Smart: Sliding Carp wanted to [slid= e an ant farm right into somebody else's home](3D" GreenAdder = trong> had some good [advice for Pizza = Hut if they really want to remind people that they're the "OG" pizza chain hobnail is part of a congregation that was expelle= d from the Evangelical Covenant Church for supporting LGBT equality, a= nd hobnail submitted an article about it and describ= ed](3D"ht=)[the much more important things they= could focus on now that that was over with](3D"=) Birnone = > shared [a pet peeve about parking spa= ces reserved for people with disabilities](3D"=) Gordon Bennett = trong> shared something about a lawyer= representing a woman who was beaten by a racist teenager who had bullied h= er son FrabjousDay saw some difficulties [most people would face if they tried to live without= "petroleum, electricity, and money"](3D") khatores gave= [some really bad advice](3D") Fissile's [parents got into a= property line dispute with a neighbor, so Fissile was getting a kick out o= f this story](3D"htt=) Alcaste argued that [the controversial arrest of a street artist could have = been due to racism](3D") itsdan thought that Dewey Fidalgo's grandma's [reaction to deciding to go without things like electricity and indoor plum= bing sounded like another odd choice that some people make](3D" C= SB Sunday Morning: [Summer vacation stories](=3D") Smart: caddisfly = g> made the absolute most of a road tr= ip to check out grad schools Funny: FirstDennis = trong> told a story that [seemed like= an allegory for the marriage within it](=3D" CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Su= nday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topi= c. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please [su= bmit it](3D" on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'= ll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobi= es), or email [dugitman](3D"https://w=). = TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be access= ed by [TotalFarkers](3D") Funny: steklo = strong> found out what happens [when yo= u use Fark's "ignore" feature on your own account](3D" Funny: Shostie had a bit more= information about diaries Smart: optikeye = > gave advice to someone who was [havin= g marital issues](3D" Funny: Earthworm Jim Jones = g> was confused by [a bit of sex advic= e](3D"http=) Smart: generalDisdain apparently isn't into handing out keys Funny= : oldfarthenry helped someone who couldn't [remember what kind of car it was that "looked j= ust like a Bentley"](3D") Funny: rickythepenguin = > corrected [a misunderstanding about "= mansplaining"](3D"=) Politics Funny: Angry Drunk Bu= reaucrat had a reply when [Do= nald Trump claimed that "all of the [world] leaders" showered him with prai= se](3D" enry once had an experience that [seemed to explain Trump's answer to a question about= busing](3D") Precious Roy's Horse Dividers knew [why the White House mysteriously went on lock= down](3D") whither_apophis learned something from an image that Raoul Eaton p= osted to show how big Iran is Mr. Coffee Nerves to= ld us [how much two very different grou= ps of people have in common](3D".=) Politics Smart: = Precious Roy's Horse Dividers [wan= ted to hear some stories](3D" Walker thought that = [a Supreme Court decision was the final nail= in the coffin](3D") abb3w had an explanation for a Supreme Court ruling that Trump was confus= ed about JerseyTim had a suggestion for [what to call the U.S.'s immigrant containment ce= nters since the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum put out a statement= asking that other events not be compared to the Holocaust](3D") J= erseyTim wanted [more Democr= ats to go head to head with Republicans, and gave examples](=3D" Contest Votes Some of = the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of= votes down Photoshops: hail2daking no= ticed that [Calvin put his talent to go= od use working for SpaceX](3D".=) Stantz showed us that&nb= sp;[some coyotes never learn](3D") noazark [led the United Nations S= ecurity Council in a singalong](3D"https://w=) Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel= found [a new documentary on = Netflix](3D"https:=) RedZoneTuba did [the obligatory Photoshop of a doorway](3D" Parallax [shined up a familiar hotel's floor=](3D"=) Cork on Fork [turn= ed a Photoshop contest into a learning opportunity](3D" RedZoneTu= ba gave us [something to be l= aughin' about](3D"ht=) Stantz created [a three-dimensional tessellation in motion](3D") R= edZoneTuba [showed that these bee-= eaters are also jaybirds](3D"https:/=) Farktography: Circu= sdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 738: "[One (More) For the Road](3D")" while [riding off into the sunset](3D") Farktography is= Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktogr= aphy theme, please contact Elsinore. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Friday, Ju= ly 12: [Jeffersonville, IN Fark Party](3D"=) - and Drew will be there Thursday, July 18: [San Diego Fark Party - Hop-Con 7.0 & w00tstout release party with Drew](3D") If you'd like to plan a Fark Party= in your area, please use the Fark Party submission form. = Fark Weird News Quiz Results= > (brought to you by ox45tallboy) We ha= d a good time on the Quiz posting ketchup GIFs, but it's still an abominati= on on hot dogs no matter how silly the GIF. On the Quiz itself, bra= dley547 takes top honors with 988, followed by the_co= lonel in second with 940 and Tax Boy in thir= d with 936. Sliding Carp makes fourth with 915, and&n= bsp;lulululu_1 rounds out the top five with 914. Th= e hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where you'll soon be able to = go to dive down and see a Boeing 747 at the bottom of the ocean, among othe= r things at at a huge underwater amusement park. Only 30% of quiztakers kne= w their Middle Eastern geography - Bahrain is the most northern of the opti= ons. I guess CNN isn't covering this much since even though it *is* a plane= under water, they actually know exactly where it is. That and Anderson Coo= per probably looked at the story and glared at his producers with a "Seriou= sly, guys?" The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over space exp= loration. Several months before Apollo 11, NASA launched Apollo 10 as a "dr= y run" in which they sent a module to lunar orbit complete with a "dummy" l= ander. Instead of sending the lander onto the moon to make a big crater, th= ey launched it into space. 82% of quiztakers knew that the module was nickn= amed after its unofficial mascot - Snoopy. It seems he's been cursing the R= ed Baron from open space for 50 years now, and a team of astronomers think = they may have located it. Five bucks says it's got the words "Kilroy was he= re" somewhere in it. The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over = the HumanCharger, a $150 set of earbuds from Finnish company Valkee. Only 4= 1% of quiztakers knew that the device(s) shone LED lights into your ears fo= r some silly reason. I have this vision stuck in my head of the people who = thought this was a great idea only putting in one and it illuminating stuff= on the opposite side of their heads. And yeah, that was a cheap joke, but = seriously, this idea doesn't deserve any additional thought. The eas= iest question on the Easy Quiz was over which Coen Brothers character that = actor John Turturro was reprising in a new spin-off film. 78% of quiztakers= knew that 21 years later, nobody would fark with the Jesus, and the new ad= ventures of the minor The Big Lebowski character would soon be available fo= r our viewing pleasure. It is a testament to Tuturro's abilities as an acto= r that he made such a despicable person a fan favorite character. I can't w= ait to see if he really does pull the trigger until it goes "click." If you missed the quiz, you can [catch up (and ketchu= p) right here](3D". Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it al= l again this week. Fark Head= lines of the Week (brought to you by blythe= >) Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2019-06-23 to Sat 2019-06-29: [Folgers Crystals](3D") [Not News: Man crashes d= emolition derby car. Fark: Not during a demolition derby. Source checks out=](3D" [ᴋɪʟʟ ᴀʟʟ B= 8;ᴜᴍᴀɴꜱ?](3D"=) [UFO struck by = lightning](3D" [Robert F. Kennedy Jr. speaks out against va= ccinations, says that shots killed his dad and uncle](3D"https:/=) [= Satellite image shows PNG volcano erupting, no doubt sending molten images = everywhere](3D" [Congo mine collapse kills 36 artisanal min= ers. I bet you've never heard of artisanal miners. They're pretty undergrou= nd](3D"https:=) [Man arrested for recording other men peeing at bow= ling alley. See, this is what happens when you leave your mind in the gutte= r while looking for balls](3D"=) [French fry](3D" [Free seafood bouillabaisse in California. All you can eat. Get it whi= le the ocean's hot](3D") Sports: [Kawhi-fornia](3D") [Kobe and his wife now only one daughte= r short of a future all-Bryant WNBA team](3D"ht=) [MeekMahan = finally gets unrelated adults in the room by promoting Paul Heyman and rehi= ring Eric Bischoff, since the wrestling was better in 1999 anyhow](3D" [The Coyotes pull a Mos Eisley, makes the Kessel run. You submi= tted this headline 12 parsecs ago](3D") Geek: = [Why not trei a holiday in the Netherlands? See the lovlei fl= owers. And the wønderful telephone system](3D") [Much= like many of its kids, the antivaxxer movement isn't growing to maturity= a>](3D" is in favor of keeping older libs around](3D"=) = [In a real gut punch, researchers argue that Parkinson's dise= ase may start in the gastrointestinal tract and travel to the brain because= what happens in vagus doesn't stay in vagus](3D") Enterta= inment: [Netflix press release acknowledges publi= c outcry, vows to not make any more episodes of Good Omens](3D"http=) ["Evening, everybody." "PENNYWISE"](3D") [Dog the Bount= y Hunter's wife has died. Of all the bra's he chased down, hers was the big= gest](3D" [♫ I'm coming out, so you'd better get this= party started ♫](3D".=) Politics: [Ravelry, a social networking site for knitters and crocheters, has = announced a ban on posts supporting Donald Trump. Word has it they can't ab= ide such a bad weave](3D") [On the plus side, at least there= was vetting at all](=3D" [Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-own to Clown)= takes first step toward implementing Shakira law](=3D" [Fiv= eThirtyEight posts the most FiveThirtyEight article ever](3D" [Eric Trump went out for a cocktail in Chicago and was spit on by an emp= loyee. He's lucky they just didn't give him the Malort](3D") ["'Twitter is just terrible, what they do. They don't let you get the word= out,' Trump told Fox Business News." And we have just witnessed division b= y zero](3D") [Pregnant woman in Alabama charged with manslau= ghter after she's shot. Wait, that can't be right](3D"=) [Chu= ck Woolery said the quiet part out loud, or quoted a passage from that Marg= aret Atwood novel, hard to tell which](3D" [Chuck Norris w= ishes he were as nice as Elizabeth Warren](3D" [But honey,= the affairs were part of my job as a Congressman](3D" [Ask= ed about school busing, President Trump displays a nuanced mastery of the s= ubject that neither Harris nor Biden were able to show at the Democratic De= bate](3D" Business: [The maker = of Botox has been bought for smooth $63 billion and nobody barely blinked a= n eye](3D" [Oh look, the tulips are blossoming again](3D"=) [Women pay over $12,000 during their lifetime for menstruati= on. Such a deal](3D") [Finally, imagine your chicken crossin= g the road in style](3D"h=) Discussion: [...it's a streetlight](3D") [50 hidden meanings behin= d common dreams. Subby is still running down his](3D" [Kidd= oes back in the day sang songs about sexism, communism, and ax murderers wh= ile skipping rope. How lovely](3D" D'awww: [Rare 40-ton albino humpback whale turns 30 and makes annual ap= pearance off Sydney coast, just like it was orcastrated](3D") [San Diego firefighters rescue injured baby hummingbird, will now try and= teach it the lyrics](3D") [Mountain lion found in tree tagg= ed, now she's it](=3D" [♫ Doe, a deer, a pregnant deer= ♫ May have twins or just one son ♫ Three is rare, but albinos = ♫ Are like 20K to one ♫](3D"=) Food: [Pickle pizza party](3D") [£900 cheese= . I bet it smells like ass](3D" [Obviously Drew has never b= een to Yoshinoya](3D" [Bourbon](3D"=) _________________= _______ Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a To= talFarker. You can [join TotalFark here](3D"http=). --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. 333 West Vine St Suite 210, Lexington KY 40507 = ------------=_1562191154-95963-58703--