Fark NotNewsletter: Biking and balls and beer... oh, my!

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1560892355-43953-58850 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 3401](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ Next month I'll be cycling from Manhattan to Buffalo to r= aise money for the Roswell Park Alliance Foundation to fight cancers.  = ;If you're up for making a donation so that one day Fark can retire its "st= ill no cure for cancer" meme, you can [donate via Facebook here](3D"). Thanks to a drunk suggestion by a = friend, I have recently renamed the fundraiser "Cancer Sucks Balls." Anyhow, we're making several overnight stops along the way - wouldn't mind= meeting up with some folks and having a few Fark meetups along the way. &n= bsp; Day 1: 56 miles to Stony Point Day 2: 77 miles to BarrytownDay 3: 92 miles to Schenectady Day 4: 83 miles to Utica Day 5: 85 = miles to Weedsport Day 6: 77 miles to Spencerport Day 7: 73 miles to = Niagara Falls/Buffalo Also, looks like I'll be in Buffalo the evenin= gs of July 26th AND August 3rd, so we could do TWO Fark parties if anyone's= game? Lemme know (email drew at Fark dot com)! ______________= __________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.= em> ________________________ Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest an= d funniest comments from the past week Funny: I = Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That [an= swered and reacted to a question](3D" MythDragon shared= some [helpful information about dirty = sheets](3D".=) Bill the unknowing was worried about what might happen after a high school valedi= ctorian's graduation speech scottydoesntknow expla= ined [why a woman who had a racist note= on her receipt corrected an error about her car](3D"=) We Ate the = Necco Wafers noticed that an [article about a cop arresting someone for repossessing his car buried the = lede](3D" stevenboof had [a problem with another Farker's comment](3D" I Have A Bo B= urnham GIF For That somehow [came through in a thread about a former stripper becoming a firefighter](3D" > BumpInTheNight mocked another Farker's [sheet-washing regimen](3D") Non Sequitur M= an was [surprised to see some= one](3D"https:=) I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to so= meone [calling Bo Burnham a "B grade" c= elebrity](3D".=) Smart: MeatBrains knew&nb= sp;[what a 4-year-old should have done inst= ead of stealing a doll](3D") JTtheCajun defended a = [valedictorian who called out teachers and s= taff during her speech for not doing their jobs well](3D") bloobea= ry reacted to [police arresti= ng a tow truck driver who tried to repossess an officer's car](3D=) gaspode thought that [some = cops' excuses were pretty weak](3D" FlashHarry saw = ;[evidence to back up a valedictorian's comp= laints about her school](3D") khitsicker [won't have trouble finding employment due to having made a= n angry valedictory speech](3D") moos figured out who planted illegal and egregious content on= Alex Jones' servers Vansthing talked about&n= bsp;[a recent amusement park visit](3D") blastoh figured [Alex J= ones could take a different route if someone planted something on his serve= r](3D" Asa Phelps had an idea about [why customers were unable to open Costco's emergency exit= doors](3D") CSB Sunday Morning: [The last straw](3D") Smart: stir22 shared a moving story about what it's like to [have to close off your emotions when working in medicine= a> Funny: gordian told a story about&nb= sp;](3D")[two wailing women and a screeching chih= uahua](3D") CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Far= kers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a = CSB Sunday Morning thread, please [submit it](3D" on Saturday afternoon/= evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so y= ou can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email [dugitman](3D". TotalFark Discussion:= Note: This section can only be accessed by [TotalFarkers](3D" &n= bsp; Funny: envirovore had [a message for a disappointed god](3D") Funny: Literally Addicted [ranted= about Mom's rant](3D" Funny: JerseyTim tried t= o imagine [what it's like to deal with = what a submitter was annoyed about](3D"=) Funny: sarahthus= tra guessed [what type of sit= uation a submitter cried to get out of](3D"h=) Smart: Badaf= ucoand TomFooolery posted [photos](3D") of [kit= tens](3D" Politics Funny: Grand_Moff_Joseph = ong> wanted the [White House press corp= s to throw a goodbye party for Sarah Sanders](3D"https:/=) Naido = had [a good argument in favor of the me= tric system](3D"=) culebra corrected a headline [referring to Donald Trump as "the Eye of Sauron= "](3D") ZAZ's interest was piqued by [a threat from John McAfee](3D") somedude210 = ong> reacted to the Fark headline, "Trump: = I cast Executive Privilege at the House. DM: You have awakened the House. I= t catches you and eats you" Politics Smart: = Cache had [some encouraging w= ords for Trump](3D"htt=) wademh [didn't think Trump would change his methods during the upcoming preside= ntial election](3D" cman figured [it's time to hurry up and get things moving](3D") = wademh argued that it's fine= to question the patriotism of a veteran who was injured while servingEpic Fap Session addressed [blaming immigrants for their own deaths in ICE custody](3D" Contest Votes = Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest n= umber of votes down Photoshops: hail2daking = rong> [gave Miley Cyrus a pearl earring](3D")maxandgrinch showed us [what these people are running from](3D" Daddy's Big Pink M= an-Squirrel [gave this bush some t= ongue](3D"https:=) Alligator found [The Blue Boy with a gold face](3D" retrophil went retro with these operators Yammering_Splat_Vector [put thi= s plant on a gnome dome](3D" Alligator shared [an early image of Jimi Hendrix](3D") T= hrakkorzog [gave Putin Les Amours = Contrariées](3D"https:/=) hail2daking was [gonna need these employees to go ahead and come in on= Sunday](3D") Stantz had [very dangerous shooting practice](3D" Yammering_Splat_Vect= or found [a kid who's very u= pset about being lied to](3D"http=) Farktography: Farktography = Contest No. 736: "[Fur Babies](3D"=)" ended in= a tie between Herb Utsmelz's [wary wiener dog with a floofy feline](3D") and p= xlboy's [Stephen King-reading = kitty](3D"https:=). Be sure to check out the whole thread if you like [photos of adorable pets](3D"). Farktography i= s Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktog= raphy theme, please contact [Elsinore](3D". Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Thursda= y, June 20 & Saturday, June 22: [Buffalo, NY Fark Party events](3D") - Shakespeare i= n the Park (Thursday) & Brewers Festival (Saturday) Fark Weird News Quiz Results (b= rought to you by ox45tallboy) Hey folks, we ha= d a fun time talking about "canned" pickles in a jar on the quiz this week.= And we've got plenty of pickles stocked up in the 1000 club... which unfor= tunately won't be enjoyed this time around. Denjiro c= omes out on top with 963, followed by dionysusaur in = second with 921 and baka-san in third with 907. = Texa$ made fourth with 897, and MostlyLurking= lurked enough to make the top five with 888. T= he hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where you'll soon be able to = see an anime based on Magic: The Gathering. only 33% of quiztakers caught t= he article about the Russo brothers producing a series for Netflix. I'm sta= rting to think Netflix is becoming the Uwe Boll of intellectual property no= one really wants, except they actually hire talented people. All they need= is Jenji Kohan to head up the writers's room and they'd have an Emmy-award= winning series about the Gen X equivalent of a ladies' bridge club that me= ets every second Tuesday. The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was = over which Asian capital city the UN considered to be the most polluted in = the world. 81% of quiztakers knew that it was New Delhi in India, where the= y have a garbage pile that will likely be taller than the Taj Mahal within = the next year. It makes me wonder if people might soon be moving back to Ol= d Delhi where they can begin the gentrification with a Whole Foods and mayb= e a Starbucks or six. The hardest question on the Hard Quiz wa= s over the rebranding of the Seattle Seahawks' dance squad from "The Sea Ga= ls" now that they have guys dancing as well. Only 44% of quiztakers knew th= at the Front Office had gone with the boring old "Seahawks Dancers" instead= of the AWESOME name "Sea Breeze," which I totally came up with and demand = tickets to any game where they play the Falcons if they use it. The = easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about a bit of a translation issue&nb= sp;with Heinz's new "we're out of ideas so let's just throw crap in the sam= e container" line of "combo-ments." 81% of quiztakers knew that in the= most common Cree dialect spoken by First Nations people in Canada, the por= tmanteau "Mayochup" roughly translates to "sh*t face," which I guess i= s pretty accurate, in that that's the condition I would need to be in to th= ink this is something I would want on my fries. If you missed out on= the quiz, or have an excellent pickle recipe (or GIF), you can [catch up on it here](3D"). Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be = doing it all again this week. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by bly= the) Welcome again to Headline of the Week! Headline= s Of The Week for Sun 2019-06-09 to Sat 2019-06-15: [Japan= ese F-35 pilot fails to disengage WWII simulation mode. Yes, subby is a bad= person](3D" ["Police will handle amorous snapping turtles.= " When they're on the road, it takes a while to get them off](3D"https://w=) [DC museum to archive Anne Frank's father's correspondence, as soon = as they find someone who can read braille](3D") [Pilot who = crashed helicopter in Manhattan radioed that he was lost. Then it hit him= a>](3D" heat expected in Seattle, as thousands of resid= ents emerge from the haze to hiss at the sun](3D"=) [Armed in= truder flees apartment by jumping out of third-story window before being ca= ught by police. Bail set at $100K, as he's definitely a flight risk](3D" = [Grace Jones dead. Short illness, judging by how pale she loo= ks in recent photo](3D") [Federal Authorities raid 8chan, = will spend years in therapy for various rule 34 violations](=3D" [Californians better start raking the woods a lot more thoroughly than= they did last year](3D") Sports: [David Ortiz shot in Dominican Republic, is in stable condition. Doctors = say he's lucky he didn't get shot in Luxembourg or Testes](3D") [As expected, Kyrie Irving opts out of his Celtics contract, says he's = looking for a deal that could pay him $141 million over five years, to be p= aid in a flat fee just like the Earth](3D") [Brett Hull giv= es one of the drunkest speeches in Stanley Cup history or as one fan called= it, he's that episode where Bender becomes human](3D" Ge= ek: [Another reason America's murder rate has dec= lined: cell phones, which ended drug dealers' turf wars by reducing dicey i= n-person disputes over price and quality. Now America's OD rate has increas= ed, so we're still dying from drugs, but more quietly](3D"https://=) [Rob Liefeld declares DC Comics is "gonna drive off a cliff." Unclear how t= hey'll do this without feet to hold down the gas pedal](3D") [Kentucky now rated as one of the least green states. It's so bad there th= at even the grass is blue](3D") [Which leads us to propose t= he novel theory that the T. rex died out because of skunks](3D" Entertainment: [Sotheby's to auction lock = of Beethoven's hair, presumably not from a lud wig](3D" [Ir= on Maiden, Judas Priest planning to embark on a US tour in 2020. Support ac= ts expected include: Testament, Obituary, Depends, Geritol, Doan's Pills](3D" > [Conservationists really wish tourists would get over Ma= chu Picchu](3D"=) Politics: [Repu= blican Senator Josh Hawley says studying Watergate is a waste of time becau= se it happened before he was born. Which is exactly what happened when no o= ne bothered to study Vietnam before they got us into Iraq](3D" [Trump: I cast Executive Privilege at the House. DM: You have awakened = the House. It catches you and eats you](3D") [Royal Albert H= all shows off the new redecorations in its killer Prince of Whales Room](3D" [Fox news apologizes for airing a clip of Rep. John Lewis= while talking about Rep. Elijah Cummings, said they didn't realize we had = two of them now](3D"=) [White House announces that Sarah Sand= ers will resign as Press Secretary at the end of June. Sarah Sanders expect= ed to deny the report out of pure instinct](3D"h=) [Chuka Umun= na leaves Independent Group to join Liberal Democrats, takes a whiskey drin= k, takes a vodka drink, takes a lager drink, takes a cider drink](3D" [FARK seemingly uninterested in greenlighting the fact that we'r= e transferring control of ICE's concentration camps to the military to prev= ent oversight. So let's pretend Joe Biden grabbed somebody's ass on camera = or something. Yeah, that's the ticket](3D") Business= ng>: [Defense contractors Raytheon and United Technologi= es announce merger, new entity to be named Omni Consumer Products](3D"=) [Fiat Chrysler recalls truck line for living up to its name](3D")= [Chewy IPO raises $1 billion *triumphant Wookiee growl*= a> Discussion:](3D"=)[Here's how to = handle that one slacker coworker you have to deal with day in and day out. = And, if you think they don't exist, then you're the slacker](3D" [My wife drinks too much, has never bathed our 7-year-old son and now= wants a divorce. Should I be reading Slate?](3D") [A somewh= at late review of Slaughterhouse-Five by Salman Rushdie](3D" D'awww: [Man who runs a dog and cat rescue ta= kes in a lost baby goat who goes on to become the most popular kid living t= here](3D"=) [Cocker Spaniel has Fainting Goat Syndrome, but h= e may just be faking it for extra belly rubs](3D".=) [Baby ele= phant takes its very first wobbly steps, tries to iron out a few wrinkles= a>](3D" is getting thicker - And Harmony's getting l= arrrrrrrrger](3D"=) Food: [$1 gr= illed cheese truck. That's it. That's all. What's wrong with this? NOT A DA= MN THING](3D" [Think you know Indian food? It's all a lie. = You've been eating Mexican](3D"https://=) [Drink it fast, or drink it= slow, your lips have got to touch the toe](3D" _____________________= ___ Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalF= arker. You can [join TotalFark here](3D"https://=). --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. 333 West Vine St Suite 210, Lexington KY 40507 = ------------=_1560892355-43953-58850--