Why Your Smart Child Ignores You

The same frustrating story plays out every night when it's time for my two kids to go to sleep. Greetings Everyday Spy, The same frustrating story plays out every night when it's time for my two kids to go to sleep. First, I make them a healthy dinner they have almost no interest in eating. Then, whatever food they DID eat results in them trying to negotiate some kind of dessert. And last, when they lose (or partially win) the dessert negotiation, they break off to play some kind of raucous game that involves running, jumping, and screaming until I have to physically steer them to the bath. This has been the pattern since my son was 3 years old. And his younger sister fell into it naturally. If your kids are between 3-12, you most likely have a similarly frustrating story to tell. Maybe it happens in the morning before school. Or in the afternoon after school ends. Or maybe you and I are kindred spirits with max pain happening between dinner and bedtime. In every case, you can’t help but shout out, “Are you listening to me?!?” The answer is most definitely ‘no’ - but not for the reasons you might think. CIA trains every field officer to recognize 4 distinct developmental phases in human cognitive development. Depending on experience, trauma, lifestyle, and education, some folks proceed quickly through all 4 phases while others end up ‘stuck’ in one phase longer than others. Your children and mine - blessed with caring parents who foster and protect them - are developing normally through two phases known as ‘preoperational’ and ‘concrete operational’ developmental phases. That’s right - your child is becoming a full-blown operator. Just like you… These two normal, healthy phases of mental development are characterized by intense focus that starts inside the child’s rational brain. - For preoperational children (agest 3-7), that focus is on themselves, their thoughts, and their feelings. - For concrete operational children (ages 8-12), that focus is on patterns, processes, and ‘schemas’ - routines born out of repetitive patterns and processes. In both cases, you are beyond their capacity for attention because you are not the center of their cognitive effort. They cannot yet control their mental functions enough to open their awareness to the world around them from a passive indicator, like your voice. They are not actively ignoring you, but you are exactly right when you suspect that they are not listening to you. In fact, the more accurate term might be, ‘they cannot hear you at all.’ - that is how intense their internal focus is during these stages of development. The way to break this common, evolutionary pattern is simple - use the power of touch to become the center of your child’s attention. I’m not talking about punitive, angry, or rough touch - but instead loving, patient, caring touch. When you suspect they cannot hear you (remember, ‘listening’ is beyond their control for the most part), walk over to them and gently touch their shoulder, pet their hair, or put your hand on their back or chest. When you do, you’ll see something amazing… When you touch them, their internal focus and external senses will fight for mental resources and you’ll see the shift as recognition dawns in their eyes. A moment ago they were deeply lost in their own imagination. Now they are seeing you and the world again for the first time - and the truth of it is painted on their face. But more importantly, you are back in the driver’s seat as the parent... You can get them back on task eating, brushing teeth, or cleaning up their toys. And you grow that much closer to them as humans, people, and fellow operatives. Godspeed, #EverydaySpy P.S. - [Your life of adventure, meaning, and purpose is one click away. The]( Intel Pipeline is the most direct, simple, and easy route to a high-paying elite private intel career. Click here to start your new life.]( Follow @EverydaySpy on Social Media! [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( [Instagram]( Andrew Bustamante, Founder of EverydaySpy.com, is a former covert CIA Intelligence officer, decorated US Air Force Combat Veteran, and respected Fortune 500 senior advisor. Learn more from Andrew on his Podcast (The Everyday Espionage Podcast) and by following @EverydaySpy on your favorite social media platform. This email was sent to {EMAIL}. Don't want to receive these emails anymore? [Unsubscribe]( EverydaySpy, 411 Walnut St. #20309, Green Cove Springs, FL 32043