How to Tell People ‘No’

Not "No, thanks." Not "nope." Just "No." [View in Browser]( [Esquire Sunday Reads]( [How to Tell People ''No.'']( How to Tell People "No." Yes suggests pleasure. It wants something. Salesmen train themselves to use yes at the beginning of a sentence, no matter what, which is why when you say it enough, the word yes starts to feel like a con. But no is cold and heavy. It puts an end to things. In that way, it is a word of control. Its very use suggests a speaker who actually knows something, who won't bend, who won't give in to what you want simply because you want it. No says the case has not been made. Cops use it. Operators use it. Good teachers, too. I'd always wanted to be a guy who simply said no. So that's what I did for a month. Whenever I didn't want to do something, I didn't hesitate, didn't explain. I just said no. [Read the Full Story]( [MORE FROM ESQUIRE]( [Kingsley Ben-Adir Makes It Look Easy](Kingsley Ben-Adir is hitting his vape at the clip that most people sip beer, telling me a story about smoking weed on the way to Dave Chappelle’s house. (“I fucking nearly whited, man. I was on the tour-bus van, heading down to the party, and I had to put my feet up in the air to get blood back into my head.”) We’re borrowing a C-suiter’s office at Paramount’s Times Square headquarters, and the thermostat is jacked diabolically high. The thirty-seven-year-old British actor is here to promote Bob Marley: One Love (out this Valentine’s Day), and he’s flown overseas for the first round of promotional duties. That’s all to say: This could be a tedious work trip, but it’s immediately clear that I’m talking with a man who has mastered the art of having fun on the job. A brief history of that work: Ben-Adir grew up in London; conquered the local theater circuit (surprise: a lot of Shakespeare); and, in 2020, portrayed an anxious, tender Malcolm X in One Night in Miami. This past summer, he played one of the many Kens in Barbie. He didn’t have a “job” the way Ryan Gosling’s Kendid (“beach,” as you will almost certainly recall). Instead, his Ken “just looks to Ken-Ryan to see what’s good,” Ben-Adir explains. Character development went like this: “I just thought he should always be holding something for him.”) Kingsley Ben-Adir Makes It Look Easy Kingsley Ben-Adir is hitting his vape at the clip that most people sip beer, telling me a story about smoking weed on the way to Dave Chappelle’s house. (“I fucking nearly whited, man. I was on the tour-bus van, heading down to the party, and I had to put my feet up in the air to get blood back into my head.”) We’re borrowing a C-suiter’s office at Paramount’s Times Square headquarters, and the thermostat is jacked diabolically high. The thirty-seven-year-old British actor is here to promote Bob Marley: One Love (out this Valentine’s Day), and he’s flown overseas for the first round of promotional duties. That’s all to say: This could be a tedious work trip, but it’s immediately clear that I’m talking with a man who has mastered the art of having fun on the job. A brief history of that work: Ben-Adir grew up in London; conquered the local theater circuit (surprise: a lot of Shakespeare); and, in 2020, portrayed an anxious, tender Malcolm X in One Night in Miami. This past summer, he played one of the many Kens in Barbie. He didn’t have a “job” the way Ryan Gosling’s Kendid (“beach,” as you will almost certainly recall). Instead, his Ken “just looks to Ken-Ryan to see what’s good,” Ben-Adir explains. Character development went like this: “I just thought he should always be holding something for him.” [Read the Full Story](Kingsley Ben-Adir is hitting his vape at the clip that most people sip beer, telling me a story about smoking weed on the way to Dave Chappelle’s house. (“I fucking nearly whited, man. I was on the tour-bus van, heading down to the party, and I had to put my feet up in the air to get blood back into my head.”) We’re borrowing a C-suiter’s office at Paramount’s Times Square headquarters, and the thermostat is jacked diabolically high. The thirty-seven-year-old British actor is here to promote Bob Marley: One Love (out this Valentine’s Day), and he’s flown overseas for the first round of promotional duties. That’s all to say: This could be a tedious work trip, but it’s immediately clear that I’m talking with a man who has mastered the art of having fun on the job. 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If your white noise is too loud for you to sleep, it defeats the purpose of the whole concept. I can’t back people who use whale sounds or beach waves or rainforest chitter to fall asleep, but I suppose I can respect it. My perfect sound, though, is a sound so gentle that you barely notice it at all. It’s mindless background noise, like the sounds of your coworkers typing in the office—not too quiet, but not noisy, either. [Read the Full Story]( [Gloria Steinem Is Still In the Fight]( Gloria Steinem Is Still In the Fight We’re in the living room of Gloria’s townhouse on the Upper East Side, surrounded by artifacts from her travels. It’s the same living room where, in 1971, the original women from Ms. huddled dreaming up the publication that would ignite the modern feminist voice and bring the movement into a magazine. The first issue was printed in 1972; 300,000 test copies sold out in eight days. We begin speaking about masculinity in American politics. 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After 14 courses, including Provincetown black bass, Nantucket Bay scallops, Maine crabmeat, and New York State foie gras, all drizzled and dotted with vibrant and bracing lemon thyme juice, chive vinaigrette, and Italian parsley sauce, I was spit out of the matrix and into the bright winter sun of Tribeca. Stunned. Moved to tears. At the time I was studying dance at Juilliard. I was on a path. But after that meal, I was a goner. I knew I had to work with Bouley. And a few years later, I did. Not a day has gone by over the past 30 years when I haven’t thought about him. He is built into my cooking, my recipes, my kitchen everything. [Read the Full Story]( [LiveIntent Logo]( [AdChoices Logo]( [How satisfied are you with the content of this newsletter?]( Follow Us [Unsubscribe]( | [Privacy Notice]( | [CA Notice at Collection]( Esquire is a publication of Hearst Magazines. ©2024 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 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