Jim Jordan Is As Done as A Hunk of Brisket

Forty-five years ago this week, the cardinals of Holy Mother Church met in conclave to elect a new pope two months after they'd elected the previous one. Pope John Paul I had been elected in August and he was dead by the second week of October. As the conclave gathered again, the betting favorites were Giuseppe Cardinal Siri of Genoa and Giovanni Cardinal Benelli of Florence. However, the rapid succession of the conclaves, one fast after another, created a fluid situation among the cardinals and, soon, rumors flew that the conclave might be on the verge of going hog wild and electing a non-Italian for the first time since 1522. The Italian cardinals realized that it was slipping away, and that neither Siri nor Benelli was going to receive enough votes, so they began a frantic search for what became known as a "compromise Italian." They settled on Giovanni Cardinal Colombo, the archbishop of Milan but, as soon as Colombo saw that he was picking up votes, he announced that he would not accept election. Which is how we got Pope John Paul II. Right now, the Republicans in the House of Representatives need themselves a compromise Italian in one quick hurry, because Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Van Heusen) is as done as a hunk of brisket. [View in Browser]( [Esquire]( [SHOP]( EXCLUSIVE [SUBSCRIBE]( [Jim Jordan Is About As Done As a Hunk of Brisket]( [Jim Jordan Is About As Done As a Hunk of Brisket]( Forty-five years ago this week, the cardinals of Holy Mother Church met in conclave to elect a new pope two months after they'd elected the previous one. Pope John Paul I had been elected in August and he was dead by the second week of October. As the conclave gathered again, the betting favorites were Giuseppe Cardinal Siri of Genoa and Giovanni Cardinal Benelli of Florence. However, the rapid succession of the conclaves, one fast after another, created a fluid situation among the cardinals and, soon, rumors flew that the conclave might be on the verge of going hog wild and electing a non-Italian for the first time since 1522. The Italian cardinals realized that it was slipping away, and that neither Siri nor Benelli was going to receive enough votes, so they began a frantic search for what became known as a "compromise Italian." They settled on Giovanni Cardinal Colombo, the archbishop of Milan but, as soon as Colombo saw that he was picking up votes, he announced that he would not accept election. Which is how we got Pope John Paul II. Right now, the Republicans in the House of Representatives need themselves a compromise Italian in one quick hurry, because Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Van Heusen) is as done as a hunk of brisket. 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If you’re a true coffee snob, you’re willing to sacrifice coin (and, these days, lots of it) in favor of getting a satisfactory drink. There was a time when only coffeeshops operated by hipster baristas could provide a high-quality drink. Then came the age of at-home espresso set-ups to rival even the most luxe of professional machines. That solved the problem of making hot coffee and iced espresso pretty quickly. But even with all my gadgets and gizmos, I never quite found a method to make cold brew at home that was to my liking. That is, until, I found the Sio Cold-Infusion Pitcher by Ohom. Now, I’m drinking more cold brew (and spending less money on it) than ever. [Read More](   [The DOJ Is Cracking Down on the Dumbest Form of Climate Denialism]( [The DOJ Is Cracking Down on the Dumbest Form of Climate Denialism]( Rolling coal is one of those idiotic expressions of personal freedom things so beloved by the wingnut peanut gallery and we've got quite enough of that already. 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