Serving Turkey on Thanksgiving is Bullshit

Well, it’s Thanksgiving again, the only time of the year that turkeys are culturally salient. And, thus, the only time of the year the opinion—based in fact but opinion nonetheless—is also relevant that turkey, as a thing to put into an oven (or deep fryer or smoker) and then onto a table and then into our mouths, is a very dull idea indeed. Let me be clear, contrary to popular opinion, as a bird, turkeys are not dumb. But as a food they stink. Flavorless, character-free, gargantuan, easy to under- or overcook and hard to love. The whole roasted turkey has no place on our holiday table.   [View in Browser]( [Esquire]( [SHOP]( EXCLUSIVE [SUBSCRIBE]( [Serving Turkey on Thanksgiving Is Bullsh*t]( [Serving Turkey on Thanksgiving Is Bullsh*t]( Well, it’s Thanksgiving again, the only time of the year that turkeys are culturally salient. And, thus, the only time of the year the opinion—based in fact but opinion nonetheless—is also relevant that turkey, as a thing to put into an oven (or deep fryer or smoker) and then onto a table and then into our mouths, is a very dull idea indeed. Let me be clear, contrary to popular opinion, as a bird, turkeys are not dumb. But as a food they stink. Flavorless, character-free, gargantuan, easy to under- or overcook and hard to love. The whole roasted turkey has no place on our holiday table. [Read More](   [Line of Trade's Slippers Are Your Must-Have Cold-Weather Companions]( [Line of Trade's Slippers Are Your Must-Have Cold-Weather Companions]( Think of me as your slipper sommelier—the person who's invested way more mental and emotional energy into all of this than reasonable folks would—and consider this my recommendation for an easy-to-enjoy, affordable option for the whole table. [Read More]( [Murder and Loathing in Las Vegas]( [Murder and Loathing in Las Vegas]( The employees of the Clark County public administrator's office were at odds over their ambitious boss, Robert Telles. Then Vegas’s biggest newspaper ran an exposé on the chaos, the reporter behind the story turned up dead—and Telles was charged with his murder. Now his staff is left wondering: How did it come to this? [Read More](     [Freddie Prinze Jr. Has Pivoted to Hot Dad—On and Off Screen]( [Freddie Prinze Jr. Has Pivoted to Hot Dad—On and Off Screen]( Freddie Prinze Jr. has been retired from acting for the past 14 years. Not retired, retired, exactly, but sort of. “I was always like, ‘If you're going to retire, why do you need a press release?’ Just leave. Just stop,” the actor explains over Zoom from his gaming room in California. So he did. Until now, anyway. [Read More](   [This Indigenous Food Warrior is Ready to Prove Native Cuisine Matters]( [This Indigenous Food Warrior is Ready to Prove Native Cuisine Matters]( With Wahpepah, the first woman-owned Native restaurant in Northern California, chef Crystal Wahpepah is on a mission to get Indigenous cuisine a seat at the table. [Read More]( [The 2022 Esquire Gaming Awards]( [The 2022 Esquire Gaming Awards]( Your favorite harbinger of chaos—the Esquire Gamer Zone—has returned to name the best, worst, and straight-up most ridiculous moments in this year of gaming. [Read More](     [How to Love Your Parents Even If You Hate Their Politics]( [How to Love Your Parents Even If You Hate Their Politics]( Many people I know have parents who are suffering from Early Fox News Dementia, ranting about the perfidy of Anthony Fauci and the possibility of catching critical race theory from an open jar of mayonnaise. But at the same time, they want to give their children parental advice and guidance, though now through the prism of their separate bespoke realities. They want to remain parents, but only on their own racist and hurtful terms. My counsel to these children—stemming from what my closest friends and I experienced, all of us immigrants in our forties from different parts of the world—is to orphan yourself. [Read More](   [Win a 4-Night Getaway to Rincon, Puerto Rico ($2,000 Value)!]( Follow Us [Unsubscribe]( | [Privacy Notice/Notice at Collection]( esquire.com ©2022 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019