When I Did Time, I Was—Technically, Legally, Constitutionally—a Slave

Back in the late nineties I owned a SID number (12218354) and an address in an Oregon state prison. For part of my biddy prison bid—the old heads said my time was short fore I got there—I worked as an orderly in a mental ward of the Oregon State Hospital. The official duties included sweeping and mopping the halls, changing sheets soiled with feces and/or soaked with urine, and making beds tucked with tight hospital corners. The unofficial duties included learning to at least feign aplomb when residents tossed food trays, tantrumed to the point of restraint, or screeched refusals of their meds. Research also attests that I was a slave at the time. And I ain’t speaking hyperbolically or philosophically but literally and officially here. [View in Browser]( [Alternate text] [SHOP]( EXCLUSIVE [SUBSCRIBE]( [When I Did Time, I Was—Technically, Legally, Constitutionally—a Slave]( [When I Did Time, I Was—Technically, Legally, Constitutionally—a Slave]( Back in the late nineties I owned a SID number (12218354) and an address in an Oregon state prison. For part of my biddy prison bid—the old heads said my time was short fore I got there—I worked as an orderly in a mental ward of the Oregon State Hospital. The official duties included sweeping and mopping the halls, changing sheets soiled with feces and/or soaked with urine, and making beds tucked with tight hospital corners. The unofficial duties included learning to at least feign aplomb when residents tossed food trays, tantrumed to the point of restraint, or screeched refusals of their meds. Research also attests that I was a slave at the time. And I ain’t speaking hyperbolically or philosophically but literally and officially here. [Read More]( [The Best Casual Shoes to Throw On and Go]( [The Best Casual Shoes to Throw On and Go]( From sneakers to loafers, these picks exude ease and style. [Read More]( [Today Is the Last Day You Can Save Big on Huckberry Whiskey Glasses]( [Today Is the Last Day You Can Save Big on Huckberry Whiskey Glasses]( Molded glassware inspired by world's greatest mountains, now all for 26% off or more, until tomorrow. [Read More]( [Javon Walton Is Just Trying to Get Through Math Class]( [Javon Walton Is Just Trying to Get Through Math Class]( At Javon Walton's high school, there's no play with a six-figure budget, no kids in the audience of such a production who look exactly like Tom Holland, no six-and-a-half-feet-tall psychomaniacs stalking the hallways, and definitely no underworld of drugs with names you've never heard before. At least to Walton's knowledge. "I don't go to parties," the actor, 15, makes sure to tell me, "but there'll be parties. They get busted for drugs, but it's definitely not as intense as Euphoria." You certainly hope not. In Euphoria, HBO's prestige-y portrait of Gen Z, Walton plays the hyper-witted Ashtray, the adopted younger brother of Angus Cloud's Fezco. The show, which debuted its season finale Sunday night, was Walton's first TV gig. He was 11 years old. Now, 15. Which means that Javon Walton has school today—at his totally real, non-HBOified high. [Read More]( [The 10 Best Shampoos for Thinning Hair]( [The 10 Best Shampoos for Thinning Hair]( Add some extra thickness where you need it most. [Read More]( [Amazon Is Slashing Prices on the Hottest Portable Bluetooth Speakers]( [Amazon Is Slashing Prices on the Hottest Portable Bluetooth Speakers]( You can take up to 30% off the top three speaker brands—Bose, JBL, and Sony—right now. [Read More]( [The Fall and Rise of CM Punk]( [The Fall and Rise of CM Punk]( CM Punk was the unlikeliest WWE star. He made his debut in 2006, looking nothing like a bodybuilder and having none of the moves of an acrobat. He eschewed sequined robes and cheesy catchphrases for a hoodie and grimy wrist tape. His arms a blur of tattoos, a faded drug free etched on his knuckles. His eyes perpetually bagged, face stubbled, hair slicked back to reveal a widow’s peak. He looked like a guy you might know. Fans loved CM Punk. Because wrestling blurs lines between characters and people and stories and reality, Punk’s biggest story line involved him quitting the WWE due to the very problems that led him to walk out for real. In June 2011, the company gave him time on live TV to air his grievances. He sat cross-legged on the stage and talked until they cut the mic. That moment is called “the pipe bomb.” [Read More]( [Win a 4-Night Stay for Two to The Fairmont Mayakoba Resort in Riviera Maya, Mexico ($3,500 Value)!]( Follow Us [Unsubscribe]( | [Privacy Notice/Notice at Collection]( esquire.com ©2022 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019