Assert Yourself Without Isolating Others

Boundary setting is a communication skill that adds value to your life and allows you to experience less drama with others. [View Online]( INSPIRATION [Assert Yourself Without Isolating Others]( Boundary setting is a communication skill that adds value to your life and allows you to experience less drama with others. Dear Friends, It can be difficult to set boundaries, especially with loved ones and work colleagues, the first because the relationship is so intimate and the second because we may not know them well at all. But it can be done! Setting boundaries is not only good for us, it also helps create better dynamics and more communicative partnerships. Today we’re talking to Dr. Jody Janati, an expert in interrelationship communication, about her course, Assert Yourself Without Isolating Others. Interview with Dr. Jody Janati DailyOM: Why are boundaries so necessary in our personal relationships? Dr. Jody Janati: Choice, chance, and change are the three C’s of effective communication. It is said that you must make a choice to take a chance, or your communication with others will never change. Boundary setting is not about trying to change other people; it is about setting limits and deciding what you are willing to put up with from others. Boundaries clearly show others where you end and they begin. It is your job to account for and be responsible for your personal needs and comfort level in any given situation. Clearly communicated boundaries allow for mutual understanding and respect. We live in a world full of diverse viewpoints and varied perspectives; clear communication is a must if we want to endure and live a healthy, balanced life. Once we accept that conflict is an inevitable part of our day-to-day activities with others, we can learn strategies to best handle the difficult interactions we will most likely come across. I can’t think of one person who will not face a moment when they will feel that their boundaries have been overstepped or where their integrity has been compromised. Boundary setting is a communication skill that adds value to your life and allows you to experience less drama with others. DailyOM: Setting and communicating boundaries can be difficult, especially in intimate relationships, like with a spouse or family member. Why is this so? How do you help support course participants in working with this issue? JJ: We have all heard the statement that we hurt the people we love the most. People have a tendency to behave more freely around their loved ones and often save their tact for those who don’t know them as well, or for those they are trying to impress. People easily move to fight (anger), flight (abandonment), or freeze (stonewall) responses when triggered during conflict. If the interaction is too intense, it is easy for some people to eliminate all contact with that person going forward. However, when the people with whom we are intimately involved with on a day-to-day basis become entangled, we realize they are part of our very existence. To shut them out completely is not a practical solution. The good news is that there are ways to overcome difficult interactions. Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, as it can lead to a deeper understanding of another’s wants, needs, feelings, expectations, etc. But if you don’t have a clear issue to lay on the table, then you should not attempt to set a boundary. Once you can clearly understand that it is not the person with whom you are upset, but rather, it is the issue that is upsetting you, you will endure. For example, we might hear someone say, “He is rude and entitled!” But when asked what they want him to do, they might say, “I need him to be on time for work!” Now we can see that the name-calling quickly resolved into an issue. In fact, once we remove all pronouns, we can make the issue quite clear. In short, boundary setting comes from a place of allowing, and it communicates what one will and will not allow. Next, the choice to comply is offered to the recipient in a nonresistant way. The goal is to empower and offer them the opportunity to be responsible and accountable for their actions. If they choose not to comply, there is understanding, coupled with a consequence, rather than resistance and conflict. Thus, boundary setting is not personal, it’s simply functional. DailyOM: When it comes to boundaries, can we also set unhealthy ones? Boundaries that are too firm and become a power struggle or a way to control someone or a situation? JJ: Exactly right. Boundary setting is all about staying in charge of your life and not in control of another’s behavior. The goal is to create boundaries where another’s actions might be contingent upon your rules/boundaries, but they should not be coerced or forced in any way. One common mistake we often make with boundary setting is to offer an empty threat. An empty threat is not well thought out and sounds more like a negative prophetic warning. The funny thing about these interactions is that over time, they turn into the exact opposite, also known as “no threat.” It’s like the uncle who yells from his chair to “shut the damn door,” but then never does anything when it is left open. Over time, that uncle goes from a threat, to no threat, and everyone in the family knows he will never carry out a consequence for leaving the door open. My favorite example of this is when a parent quickly reacts to a child out of anger or frustration and says something like, “If you do that again, we will never go to grandma’s house ever again.” Everyone within earshot of that parent knows they will not be able to carry that out in reality. Boundary setting is centered around clearly communicating your vision as to how you intend to best interact and work with others through a set of expectations that are visibly defined. Drama free communication supports a cohesive group environment, even while addressing key issues. DailyOM: Tell us about the kinds of tools you teach. JJ: Saying nothing is equal to agreeing. If I get into your vehicle and light up a cigarette and you say nothing, isn’t it really equal to saying it’s okay for me to smoke in your car? This course focuses on identifying personal stressors, so one can learn to avoid being affected when someone does something they cannot support or tolerate. Boundary setting consists of identifying mutual interests and then engaging in fair problem-solving methods. This course is compact and gets straight to the point to help you define assertiveness and then apply step-by-step techniques that are fair, balanced, and actually work. Students will learn to be cool, calm, and collected and set healthy boundaries with others, and you will ultimately find your “conversation peace.” The goal is that by the end of the course, people will feel empowered and be capable of clearly stating their expectations, setting healthy boundaries, and carrying out a consequence if needed. DailyOM: What are the most important aspects to know when it comes to successfully communicating a boundary? JJ: One’s emotions can easily get in the way of calmly communicating to others when tense. It is a good idea to “check your face,” as I say. This means before you engage someone, you will want to ensure that both your face and your tone are neutral to positive. The research shows us that people will always believe the nonverbal tone and facial expressions you offer, over the words you are saying. The goal of successfully communicating your boundary is to be calm and assertive and lay out what you want/need/will do, rather than to tell others what they need/should do on your behalf. It is our responsibility to communicate our boundaries in a respectful manner that is both firm and consistent, and be willing to enforce it when needed. The key is that you can’t change people, but you can change your responses to them. It is also important to understand how one’s thoughts affect reality. We can learn to contemplate how to work through our own anger, fear, and stress before approaching someone. Likewise, we can try to understand their perspectives and potential responses to be better able to grasp the situation. The process of setting healthy boundaries will ultimately allow you to find your conversation peace. How Does It Work? Starting today, you will receive all 5 of your lessons. Each lesson is yours to keep and you'll be able to refer back to it whenever you want. If you miss a lesson or are too busy to get to it, each lesson will conveniently remain in your account so you won't have to search for it when you're ready to get back to it. Get Started Now We are offering this course with the option of selecting how much you want to pay. No matter how much you pay, you'll be getting the same course as everybody else. We simply trust that people are honest and will support the author of the course with whatever they can afford. And if you are not 100% satisfied, we will refund your money. How Much Do You Want To Pay? [$19]([$35]([$55]( This is the total amount for all 5 lessons In just five days, you can find your own conversation peace, so be sure to check out more on Dr. Janati’s course below. Until next time. Be well, DailyOM For more information visit: > [Assert Yourself Without Isolating Others](   DailyOM Course Spotlight [Assert Yourself Without Isolating Others]( By Dr. Jody Janati We can't change other people's behavior, but setting boundaries allows us to have limits on what we are willing to allow. In this course, Dr. Janati will teach you how to communicate more effectively and cultivate healthy boundaries with others. She will offer solution-based language techniques for turning interactions like complaints into productive requests and enforcing consistent limits, so you can maintain balance in your life and build more authentic relationships. [Learn More](   Top 10 Courses 1. [Holistic Vagus Nerve Stretches for Immediate Relief]( 2. [Gentle Exercises to Eliminate Your Neck Hump]( 3. [Dancer's Legs in 14 Days]( 4. [Beneficial Stretches for the Inflexible]( 5. [From Broken Heart to Healed Heart]( 6. [The 2-Week Fascia Miracle]( 7. [Break the Grip of Past Lovers]( 8. 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