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Truths observed at the intersection of faith and life by Crosswalk.com editors Men & Christian Frien
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Men & Christian Friendship - Crosswalk the Devotional - Mar. 6
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Men & Christian Friendship: It Won't Just Happen on its OwnÂ
by Shawn McEvoy, Crosswalk.com Managing Editor
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
Proverbs 17:17, NLT
I own many books, but the ones I reference often I keep above my desk at work. One of these is a 1983 edition of David W. Smith's The Friendless American Male. It's a title that, sadly, has only grown more accurate in the last three decades, its content more applicable. Men, especially us hard-working, married-with-children types, are lacking in close biblical friendships. The reasons are varied and several, and it's not my intent in the space of a daily devotional to present or solve them all. Suffice to say that most men I talk with vouch for the lack of quality friendships in their life, even if they speak of different reasons for the condition.
It's something I worry about, something I marvel at when I consider some of the differences between myself and my own father. For example, back when my father was climbing the ladder in the Tucson Real Estate industry and had children the ages mine are now, his weekends were all his own. Tennis in the morning on both Saturday and Sunday. Soaking up sun at the pool or doing yardwork in the afternoons. Watching sports or even working in the evenings. A quarterly fishing trip. Several of these activities involved his friends and acquaintances. It must be pointed out that he didn't know or serve the Lord at this time in his life, but it's also important to note that, to the best of my recollection, we kids weren't starved for his attention or affection. It still seemed like we were close, and had plenty of time together. So, I merely use my father as the model I was shown for what men were expected (allowed?) to do and be socially in the 1970s.
At some point things changed, and yes, in most ways, for the better. Men began leaving their work at work. Being conscious about setting aside time for family activities. Reserving weekends for playing with their kids and going to soccer games rather than hitting the tennis court or the golf links or the lake. But technology, instead of saving us time, only seemed to create more ways in which we could spend it working. Where my father routinely met his buddies for a beverage after work, it's all I can do to rush home, swallow some food, and not leave my wife and kids feeling neglected before I log on for another couple hours of work and then an exhausted collapse into bed. Meeting another dude for a beer or coffee? Seriously, I don't want to laugh, but when? Even if I had a hole in my schedule, what makes me think the person I might invite (even if I knew someone well enough to want to spend time with him) would have time and desire, too? I was heavily involved in our Adult Bible Fellowship at our former church for years, and I can count on one hand the times I did something outside of church with any of the men in that group.
So, something is definitely missing. Somewhere, we went too far. I remember being single and having the privilege to work with two very close friends in our college admissions office, both of whom were newly married. Yet getting them to do anything social outside work was just about impossible. One of them wouldn't even go see a movie with me - one that I was offering to pay for - on the night his wife was busy studying for her nursing final exams. The other wouldn't even ask his wife whether he could put off lawn mowing for one more day to attend a minor league baseball game with a mutual friend who was in town for just one night. What was going on?
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