13 Hometown Heroes With Complicated Relationships with Their Hometown

Plus: Patton Oswalt’s Advice for Graduates                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 June 04, 2023 | [Read Online]( [fb]( [tw]( [in]( [email](mailto:?subject=Post%20from%20Cracked%20Newsletter&body=Five%20Fires%20That%20Never%2C%20Ever%20Stop%20Burning%3A%20%0A%0Ahttps%3A%2F%2Fcracked.beehiiv.com%2Fp%2Ffive-fires-never-ever-stop-burning) Welcome to the Cracked newsletter! This issue is about constant fires, things celebrities want us to forget, a live ‘Cheers’ reunion panel, graduation advice from Patton Oswalt, and much more. Was this email forwarded to you? [Subscribe here](. [Patton Oswalt Has Three Words for Grads: You Poor Bastards]( The graduating seniors at William & Mary were likely expecting some laughs when they heard that alumnus Patton Oswalt (class of 1991, represent!) was going to be their commencement speaker. Oswalt delivers on the yuks, but his hearty congratulations are tinged with acid. In his ceremonial cap and gown, Oswalt addresses the students with a pained introduction: “To the graduating class of 2023, I say three words: you poor bastards.” [READ MORE]( [‘The Bonfire of the Vanities’ Is the Tom Hanks Movie That Tom Hanks Would Like to Forget]( In early May, [Tom Hanks]( talked to The New Yorker’s David Remnick about his new book, The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece, in which he mentions that he dislikes the idea of people actively hating any movie. Remnick wondered why that bothered him. “Okay, let’s admit this: We all have seen movies that we hate,” Hanks [responded](. “I have been in some movies that I hate. You have seen some of my movies and you hate them.” Hanks went on to explain all the conditions that go into determining a film’s fate — including its box-office performance and reviews — but the one thing he wouldn’t reveal was what films of his he hates. It’s easy to speculate, although I should point out that some of his movies that bombed are [ones he deeply loves](. [READ MORE]( More Celeb Reads: - [16 Oops! Auditions Actors Just Want To Forget]( - [6 Hilarious Failures Celebrities Want You to Forget]( - [30 Products Companies Want To Forget]( - [7 Embarrassing Special FX Famous Actors Wish You'd Forget]( - [5 Celebrity Instructional Videos They'd Like You to Forget]( 11 Revelations from the Live ‘Cheers’ Reunion with Ted Danson, George Wendt and John Ratzenberger 27 Movies About A Guy Who Really Sucks This ‘That ‘70s Show’ Joke Hits Very Differently After Danny Masterson’s Rape Conviction 12 Sneaky Tricks Used By Cops To Get What They Want ‘South Park’ Fans Are Risking It All for the Chance to Eat at the New Casa Bonita 13 Silly Celebrity Cameos Where They Literally Could Have Gotten Someone from a Temp Agency CBS Didn’t Want Carol Burnett’s Birthday Special, Just Like They Didn’t Want Her Show in the First Place 13 Hometown Heroes With Complicated Relationships with Their Hometown Rejected ‘Back to the Future’ Actors Made ‘Zoolander 2’ Instead Five Fires That Never, Ever Stop Burning Everyone’s Taking Shots At Hannah Gadsby’s Anti-Picasso Exhibit 15 Rare Bits Of Trivia We’ve Crafted From More Common Elements And Unsmelted Ores TWEET OF THE DAY [ARTICLES | PICTOFACTS | VIDEOS]( [fb]( [tw]( [ig]( [yt]( [tk]( Update your email preferences or unsubscribe [here]( © COPYRIGHT © 2005-2022 Cracked is published by Literally Media Ltd. 190 West St., Unit 17B Brooklyn, NY 11222, United States [[beehiiv logo]Powered by beehiiv](