Punching bubble wrap

Not to brag or anything, but I’m really good at getting rid of unwanted emails. [READER]( Chatting on the phone about this, that and the other thing with a friend I’ll call Karen, and the talk turns to email. As in . . . Did a mutual friend—call him Sujay—see one we sent him? Karen said he probably did cause he’s one of those “inbox zero people." “What’s that?” I asked. “Someone who reads their emails almost as soon as they get them,” she said. And here a slight sneer crept into her voice, as though there was something mildly repugnant about quickly reading your email. OK, everybody—I realize the world’s divided into opposing camps on matters great and small. For instance, there are MAGA people who worship Trump as a god. And there are human beings, who are more or less sane. Or, to use a nonpolitical issue, there are those who love tomatoes and those who say—get that out of my guacamole! As I may have said the other night. But until my conversation with Karen, I didn’t realize the division between email zappers and email hoarders was so vast that the latter had a touch of animosity about the former. Perhaps because they feel judged. Just saying . . . For the record, I’m definitely with Sujay on this one. I’m an email zapper—and proud of it. Not to brag or anything, but I’m really good at getting rid of unwanted emails. I actually enjoy it—like punching bubble wrap. I hit one of those suckers when it comes in, and in the back of my mind, I hear a zapping sound that goes . . . zap. Hence, the zapping sound. For example, I just received an email from Sarah Palin’s campaign for Congress. Bet you didn’t know Sarah Palin was running for Congress in Alaska. Well, that’s probably because you don’t read your email. I, on the other hand, am well aware of her campaign because I’ve seen several Palin fundraising emails in the last several days. Sample line: “Friends, I need your help. Joe Biden is determined to DESTROY my administration . . .” Oops, that’s a fundraising email from Donald Trump. Zap! Got rid of that, too. Now email hoarders would probably keep Trump’s email, allowing it to join all the others they’re in no apparent hurry to get rid of. Hold it! Just got an email from Eric Trump. “Please help my father . . .” Yeah, right. Zap! See ya, Eric—wouldn’t want to be ya, Eric! At times I’ve offered my zapping services to hoarders. One time I was chatting with a friend called Chuck and he said he had over 100,000 emails in his phone. “No way,” I said. “It’s true.” “Prove it.” So, he gave me his phone. And just like that, I zapped ten emails—in like four seconds flat. I thought Chuck would lose his mind. “What are you doing?” he exclaimed, as he grabbed back his phone. “Getting rid of your emails.” “No. Don’t. I have a system!” “Yeah. You don’t get rid of them. That’s your system.” Look, I’m not saying the email divide is as vast as the one between MAGA and the sane, but it’s pretty vast. Wait! Fundraising email coming in from Marjorie Taylor Green. “Fellow patriot . . .” Zap. She’s gone, to quote Hall & Oates. Man, this is fun. Hoarders, you don’t know what you’re missing. [Black Cloud Rising]( by David Wright Falade. Keep-you-up-late novel about the African Brigade, a unit of Black soldiers, many newly freed slaves, tracking down bushwacking Confederetes in 1863... [Kerry Reid]( Understudy comes to Andersonville… [Ben Joravsky]( Irvin’s think-like-us commercial is straight out of Jordan Peele… [Rummana Hussain]( Minorities… [Alaina Hampton & Dave McKinney]( at The Hideout… [Alderman Ray Lopez]( on running for mayor… Listen to [The Ben Joravsky Show]( [Best Chicago representation in a groundbreaking music documentary]( Mahalia Jackson, Jesse Jackson, and the Operation Breadbasket Orchestra and Choir in Summer of Soul by [Noah Berlatsky]( [Best new curated streaming channel showcasing Black cinema]( Blacknuss Network by [Kathleen Sachs]( [Issue of March 31 - April 13, 2022 Vol. 51, No.]( [Download Issue]( [View this e-mail as a web page]( [@chicago_reader]( [/chicagoreader]( [@chicago_reader]( [Chicago Reader on LinkedIn]( [/chicagoreader]( [chicagoreader.com]( [Forward this e-mail to a friend](. Want to change how you receive these e-mails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2022 Chicago Reader, All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: Chicago Reader, 2930 S. Michigan Ave., Suite 102, Chicago, IL 60616