Rode up on a golf cart

Gibron stopped by. And his language? Man, the F-bombs were flying. [READER]( As the Bears beat writer at the Reader, it’s fallen upon me to evaluate the recently hired coach—Matt Eberflus. To be distinguished from Matt Nagy, the recently fired coach. Well, that’s enough Bears news for today, ladies and gentlemen. Good luck, coach Eberflus. With this outfit, you’re gonna need it. He gave me a couple of bucks. I went to the refreshment stand and got him his Coke. And he let me keep the change. Proving that though the Bears may be cheap, their coaches are not. “Hey, kid. Get me a Coke.” All that talking must have got Gibron thirsty, because at one point he looked around, spotted me staring at him in awestruck amazement, and said . . . One day Gibron stopped by. Rode up on a golf cart. Started talking to anyone who would listen. Never seen one man talk so much. And his language? Man, the F-bombs were flying. The college players practiced at Northwestern University in a prehistoric time before massive security concerns. Meaning, little kids—myself included—could wander up to the sidelines and watch the college guys work out. By the way, I once met Gibron. Back in the late 60s, when the best recently graduated college football players played a preseason charity game in Chicago against the NFL champs. During one game, for no apparent reason, he started singing “Joy to the World.” Don’t know why he did this any more than I know why the Bears love the names Matt and Ryan so much. As a kid, I loved watching Gibron, who weighed well more than 300 pounds, ramble up and down the sidelines, bellowing at refs, urging on players, and occasionally breaking into song. By this standard, I regard Abe Gibron, who coached the team for a few years in the early 70s, as the greatest coach in Bears history. Regardless of his dismal record. I know it seems trivial to evaluate a coach by his appearance. But as far as I’m concerned, to be a good coach in the NFL, you have to look the part. And to me that means big ’n beefy—the more belly over the belt the better. So, let’s boil it down to this: In my humble opinion, Matt Eberflus is too skinny. Oh, yes, the new Bears coach, who has the same first name as the old one. I’ve gathered lots of information about his coaching capabilities, none of which I’m sharing because it's even more boring than a TIF story. And it’s hard enough getting you to pay attention to those. Where was I? Well, I don’t. Moreover, I’m pretty sure my editors don’t know I’ve claimed this august position. So don’t tell them, or they might give the job to someone else. Not that anyone would want it. By the way, I realize many of you may be surprised to learn the Reader has a Bear’s beat writer, much less I have the qualifications to fill it. Hey, don’t expect crack Bears coverage like this anywhere else. That’s for sure. By the way, I realize many of you may be surprised to learn the Reader has a Bear’s beat writer, much less I have the qualifications to fill it. Well, I don’t. Moreover, I’m pretty sure my editors don’t know I’ve claimed this august position. So don’t tell them, or they might give the job to someone else. Not that anyone would want it. Where was I? Oh, yes, the new Bears coach, who has the same first name as the old one. I’ve gathered lots of information about his coaching capabilities, none of which I’m sharing because it's even more boring than a TIF story. And it’s hard enough getting you to pay attention to those. So, let’s boil it down to this: In my humble opinion, Matt Eberflus is too skinny. I know it seems trivial to evaluate a coach by his appearance. But as far as I’m concerned, to be a good coach in the NFL, you have to look the part. And to me that means big ’n beefy—the more belly over the belt the better. By this standard, I regard Abe Gibron, who coached the team for a few years in the early 70s, as the greatest coach in Bears history. Regardless of his dismal record. As a kid, I loved watching Gibron, who weighed well more than 300 pounds, ramble up and down the sidelines, bellowing at refs, urging on players, and occasionally breaking into song. During one game, for no apparent reason, he started singing “Joy to the World.” Don’t know why he did this any more than I know why the Bears love the names Matt and Ryan so much. By the way, I once met Gibron. Back in the late 60s, when the best recently graduated college football players played a preseason charity game in Chicago against the NFL champs. The college players practiced at Northwestern University in a prehistoric time before massive security concerns. Meaning, little kids—myself included—could wander up to the sidelines and watch the college guys work out. One day Gibron stopped by. Rode up on a golf cart. Started talking to anyone who would listen. Never seen one man talk so much. And his language? Man, the F-bombs were flying. All that talking must have got Gibron thirsty, because at one point he looked around, spotted me staring at him in awestruck amazement, and said . . . “Hey, kid. Get me a Coke.” He gave me a couple of bucks. I went to the refreshment stand and got him his Coke. And he let me keep the change. Proving that though the Bears may be cheap, their coaches are not. Well, that’s enough Bears news for today, ladies and gentlemen. Good luck, coach Eberflus. With this outfit, you’re gonna need it. 🏆 [Voting for the Best of Chicago 2021 ENDS TOMORROW at noon!]( The race is tight and your faves are counting on you to get them in the lead. Norwegian by Night—a novel by Derek B. Miller. This gripping tale of suspense is the sequel to How to Find Your Way in the Dark. Between the two of them you’ll know everything about the protagonist, Sheldon Horowitz. [Kelly Garcia]( on Judge Raul Vega, who’s retiring under a cloud of allegations [Ben Joravsky]( on Adolfo Mondragon’s epic struggle to keep allegedly corrupt pols from spending campaign contributions on criminal defense fees [Rummana Hussain]( Eric Clapton, Neil Gorsuch, and other anti-vaxxers/maskers [Sergio Vicente]( of The Fight Podcast—on the good, the bad, and the ugly in sports [Richard “The Real Deal” Steele]( legendary radio man from WGCI and WBEZ—reflects on turning 80. Plus, a word or two or three about the madness of our times . . . [The Ben Joravsky Show]( [Listen to The Ben Joravsky Show]( We've wrapped up season one of CQN! Listen back on all ten episodes [here]( or wherever you get your podcasts. [A genderqueer Bugs and a very sexy duck]( Tali Halpern’s exhibition at Happy Gallery makes the world a little more hot and bothered. by [Micco Caporale]( [Isaiah Collier & the Chosen Few take an intergalactic jazz journey on Cosmic Transitions]( by [Leor Galil]( [Experimental pop auteur Jitwam just wants you to dance]( by [Leor Galil]( [Issue of Jan 20 - Feb 2, 2022 Vol. 51, No.]( [Download Issue]( (PDF) [View this e-mail as a web page]( [@chicago_reader]( [/chicagoreader]( [@chicago_reader]( [Chicago Reader on LinkedIn]( [/chicagoreader]( [chicagoreader.com]( [Forward this e-mail to a friend](. Want to change how you receive these e-mails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2022 Chicago Reader, All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: Chicago Reader, 2930 S. Michigan Ave., Suite 102, Chicago, IL 60616