Toni Kukoc and the worst article I’ve ever written

That's Toni, with an i. [READER]( Congratulations to the great Toni (with an i) Kukoc for having recently been inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. I offer congratulations not just out of heartfelt appreciation for his contributions to my beloved Bulls—though his contributions were vast. In fact, in my opinion, he single-handedly saved Scottie Pippen’s career with the Bulls by hitting that clutch, last-second [game-winning shot]( in the infamous 1.8-second playoff game against the Knicks. God, I hate the Knicks.[[Illustration of Ben Joravsky]]( Bulls fans know exactly what I’m talking about. If Kukoc doesn’t hit that shot, Scottie undoubtedly gets traded (for sitting out the last 1.8 seconds) and who knows if MJ returns to a Pippenless team. So, you might say that the second three-peat doesn’t happen without Kukoc. The other reason I offer my congratulations is more personal. In my mind, Kukoc and I will always be connected because he was the subject of the worst article I’ve ever written. I know it must sound strange to pay homage to the worst article. But, as someone once said, they got names for the winners in the world, I want a name when I lose. Call that article Deacon Toni (with an i). The article in question was a profile from 1994. [Read it]( if you dare. For the record, it was not my idea to profile Kukoc. The idea belonged to Mike Lenehan, editor extraordinaire. In defense of Mike, it made a lot of sense at the time. Having just arrived from Europe, Kukoc was the hot rookie on an overachieving Bulls team (playing without Michael, who had retired to play baseball) that was a blast to watch. So, I called the Bulls and got a press pass and started hanging around the locker room to interview Kukoc about his life in Europe and the transition to the NBA. To my dismay and disappointment, he wanted nothing to do with me. I figured in time, I’d win him over with my charm. Nope. If Kukoc saw me coming, he’d head the other way. In time, it was a joke. I’d come up to him in the locker room and he’d say something like—I can’t talk now, but come back tomorrow. And then tomorrow would come and he wasn’t there. One time I tracked him down at an autograph signing and knelt next to him as he signed posters and pictures and cards. Best I got from the questions I asked were one-word responses. Little more than grunts. Hard to even stitch together a full quote. How to write a profile about a person who doesn’t want to be profiled? You fill it with extraneous stuff and write about how he doesn’t want to be profiled. Which is almost as boring to write as it must be to read. But I wrote it. And handed it in. And the Reader ran it—must have been a slow week. And I quietly hoped no one would read it. And as far as I know, no one did. To top it off, his name was misspelled in the headline. Wrote it as Tony—as in Curtis. The spelling was corrected for the online archives. Don’t know or care which editor or editors made that mistake. Misspelling his name in the headline made the article even worse than it already was. Just call it Deacon Toni—with an i. 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