Mick Jagger can’t dance!

[READER]( Finally got around to watching the Tina Turner documentary on HBO. Great flick, I urge everyone to run, run to watch it. But . . . As great as it is, and as deserving of tribute as Tina Turner may be, the movie makes an egregious error that I must now correct. So here goes . . . At the outset, the film introduces Tina Turner by quoting some rock ’n’ roll writer who says she’s the woman who “taught Mick Jagger how to dance.” And that’s just not true. Yes, Tina may have given Mick a dance lesson. And, yes, he may have studied her moves. But, no, she did not teach him how to dance because as anyone who knows anything about dancing will tell you . . . [[Illustration of Ben Joravsky]]( Mick Jagger can’t dance! Every time I point this out, fans of the Stones (and the world is crawling with them) get mad at me and tell me that Mick Jagger is one of the great rock ’n’ rollers of all time. Which is true, but besides the point because . . . Mick Jagger can’t dance! Now you might think a rock star would have learned to dance years ago. But, really, why should he? He has no incentive. He prances about doing jumping jacks, and the crowd cheers. Why bother learning how to actually dance? After each concert, Mick and Keith Richards probably have a good laugh at all the suckers who think he’s a great dancer. Sample backstage conversation . . . Mick: Can you believe them, Keith? Keith: Fuckin’ wankers . . . In fact, I’ll bet you Keith Richards would be the first to tell you . . . Mick Jagger can’t dance, bloke! Now a lot of guys will say: Benny, you have to admit it’s pretty remarkable that an old guy— pushing 80—can still run around the stage. To which I say–are you kidding me? James Brown was dancing like a superstar up until the day he died at age 73. As a matter of fact, you could dig up James Brown from his grave, put him on stage, and he’d still dance better than Mick Jagger. Because . . . Mick Jagger can’t dance! I realize Stones fans may be seething as they read this. I see steam pouring out of ears all over Chicago. Especially out of the ears of white people. But, listen, I’m not saying white people can’t dance. There are plenty of white people who are excellent dancers. Fred Astaire. John Travolta. Gene Kelly. My wife. From what I saw at the Oscars—[Glenn Close](. Why, I bet if they had a dance competition, Glenn Close would mop the floor with Mick Jagger. But that’s not saying much because . . . Mick Jagger can’t dance! Oh, well, I realize this is a losing battle. I will always be meeting Stones fans who will tell me about Jagger’s sex appeal, style, and charisma. All true. But, again, besides the point. Because, all together now . . . Mick Jagger can’t dance! Other than that—great movie! [Ben Joravsky [signature]]( [Leor Galil]( on Me & E’s Rap [Deanna Isaacs]( rethinking public art [Ben Joravsky]( on the Adam Toledo shooting [Rummana Hussain]( on Caitlyn Jenner [Miles Kampf-Lassin]( on news from the left [Ben and Dr. D](. on the Mayor Lightfoot rumors [The Ben Joravsky Show]( [Listen to The Ben Joravsky Show]( [Jupiter & Okwess capture the musical anarchy of their performances on Na Kozonga]( By [James Porter]( [George Arthur Calendar takes you to the beach on DMT]( The suavely psychedelic synth-pop on the new Paradox has a Chicago flavor and a Guadalajara groove. By [Tim Frisbie]( [@timfrisbie]( [Colton Underwood and the gay reputation laundry machine]( Coming out does not absolve you of your sins. By [Adam M. Rhodes]( [@byadamrhodes]( [Has Laura Jacqmin broken up with theater?]( The cowriter of We Broke Up talks about why she misses Chicago theater—and why it's hard to come home again. By [Kerry Reid]( [@kerryreid]( [The return of Maa Maa Dei's cherry blossom pastries]( Baker Jaye Fong's sakura shortbread will come back for a second season. By [Mike Sula]( [@MikeSula]( [Issue of April 5 - 28, 2021 Vol. 50, No. 15]( [Download Issue]( (PDF) 1971 Chicagoans have relied on the Reader for trusted alternative coverage of our city. The Chicago Reader is now a 501c3 nonprofit organization which means our survival is in your hands. In order to continue to be your trusted alternative voice of Chicago, we need your help. If you can donate just $5 today, we can show the world that community funded, independent journalism is the future. [DONATE TODAY!]( [View this e-mail as a web page]( [@chicago_reader]( [/chicagoreader]( [@chicago_reader]( [Chicago Reader on LinkedIn]( [/chicagoreader]( [chicagoreader.com]( [Forward this e-mail to a friend](. Want to change how you receive these e-mails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 Chicago Reader, All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: Chicago Reader, 2930 S. Michigan Ave., Suite 102, Chicago, IL 60616