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[Welcome] Hello, {NAME}! This is the Brain Pickings midweek pick-me-up: Once a week, I plunge into my 13-year archive and choose something worth resurfacing and resavoring as timeless nourishment for heart, mind, and spirit. (If you don't yet subscribe to the standard Sunday newsletter of new pieces published each week, you can sign up [here]( â it's free.) If you missed last week's edition â poet May Sarton on the cure for despair and solitude as the seedbed of self-discovery â you can catch up [right here](. And if you find any solace, joy, and value in my labor of love, please consider supporting it with a [donation]( â over these thirteen years, I have spent tens of thousands of hours and tremendous resources on Brain Pickings, and every little bit of support helps keep it â keep me â going. If you already donate: THANK YOU.
[FROM THE ARCHIVE | The Definitive Manifesto for Handling Haters: Anne Lamott on Priorities and How We Keep Ourselves Small by People-Pleasing](
[birdbybird.jpg?zoom=2&w=680]( makes Anne Lamottâs [Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life]( ([public library]( so timelessly rewarding and one of [the greatest books on writing of all time]( is that besides her wisdom on the craft, Lamott extends enormous sensitivity to and consolation for the general pathologies of the human condition â our insecurities, our social anxieties, our inner turmoils. Among her most powerful and memorable meditations in the book is that on [how our perfectionism kills the creative spirit]( â something she revisited recently in a short essay on her [Facebook page]( spurred by a surge in negative comments and vicious troll attacks.
Lamottâs words, once again, shine with warm and luminous wisdom. Alluding to the chapter on perfectionism, she writes:
[annelamott.jpg?zoom=2&w=680]
Anne Lamott
[2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Thereâs a whole [chapter on perfectionism]( in Bird by Bird, because it is the great enemy of the writer, and of life, our sweet messy beautiful screwed up human lives. It is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if youâre an artist, it will destroy you.
[â¦]
Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone elseâs needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to âhelpâ and impress. Well, your help is not helpful, and falls short.
Look, I struggle with this. I hate to be criticized. I am just the tiniest bit more sensitive than the average bear. And yet, Iâm a writer, so I periodically put my work out there, and sometimes like all writers, I get terrible reviews, so personal in nature that they leave me panting. Even with a Facebook post ⦠do you have any idea what itâs like to get 500-plus negative attacks, on my character, from truly bizarre strangers.
Really, itâs not ideal.
Yet, I get to tell my truth. I get to seek meaning and realization. I get to live fully, wildly, imperfectly. Thatâs why Iâm alive. And all I actually have to offer as a writer, is my version of life. Every single thing that has happened to me is mine. As Iâve said a hundred times, if people wanted me to write more warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
She reminds us that we donât find time for what matters, [we make time]( â and the priorities we set define our destiny:
[2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Is it okay with you that you blow off your writing, or whatever your creative/spiritual calling, because your priority is to go to the gym or do yoga five days a week? Would you give us one of those days back, to play or study poetry? To have an awakening? Have you asked yourself lately, âHow alive am I willing to be?â Itâs all going very quickly. Itâs mid-May, for Godâs sake. Who knew. I thought it was late February.
Itâs time to get serious about joy and fulfillment, work on our books, songs, dances, gardens. But perfectionism is always lurking nearby, like the demonic prowling lion in the Old Testament, waiting to pounce. It will convince you that your work-in-progress is not great, and that you may never get published. (Wait, forget the prowling satanic lion â your parents, living or dead, almost just as loudly either way, and your aunt Beth, and your passive-aggressive friends, whom we all think you should ditch, are going to ask, âOh, youâre writing again? Thatâs nice. Do you have an agent?â)
She reminds us, too, of something that Debbie Millman articulated beautifully in her [2013 commencement address]( advising aspiring creators: âImagine immensities, donât compromise, and donât waste time. Start now. Not 20 years from now, not two weeks from now. Now.â Lamott echoes this sentiment with exquisite, poetic rawness:
[2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and youâre 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didnât go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? Itâs going to break your heart. Donât let this happen. Repent just means to change direction â and NOT to be said by someone who is waggling their forefinger at you. Repentance is a blessing. Pick a new direction, one you wouldnât mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.
Echoing Neil Gaiman, who [counseled young artists]( to âmake glorious, amazing mistakes,â Lamott concludes with a recipe for an antidote â the only real antidote â to perfectionism:
[2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Hereâs how to break through the perfectionism: make a LOT of mistakes. Fall on your butt more often. Waste more paper, printing out your shitty first drafts, and maybe send a check to the Sierra Club. Celebrate messes â these are where the goods are. Put something on the calendar that you know youâll be terrible at, like dance lessons, or a meditation retreat, or boot camp. Find a writing partner, who will help you with your work, by reading it for you, and telling you the truth about it, with respect, to help you make it better and better; for whom you will do the same thing. Find someone who wants to steal his or her life back, too. Now; today. One wild and crazy thing: wears shorts out in public if it is hot, even if your legs are milky white or heavy. Go to a poetry slam. Go to open mike, and read the story you wrote about the hilariously god-awful family reunion, with a trusted friend, even though it could be better, and would hurt Uncle Edâs feelings if he read it, which he isnât going to.
Change his name and hair color â he wonât even recognize himself.
At work, you begin to fulfill your artistic destiny. Wow! A reviewer may hate your style, or newspapers may neglect you, or 500 people may tell you that you are bitter, delusional and boring.
Let me ask you this: in the big juicy Zorba scheme of things, who fucking cares?
(Or, as I wrote some time ago in reflecting on [my learnings from seven years of doing this]( âWhen people try to tell you who you are, donât believe them. You are the only custodian of your own integrity, and the assumptions made by those that misunderstand who you are and what you stand for reveal a great deal about them and absolutely nothing about you.â)
Lamott is truly a mystic of the written word and of the human soul. Treat yourself to [Bird by Bird]( for closer communion with her singular spirit, then revisit Benjamin Franklinâs [trick for handling haters]( Vi Hart on [how to tame the trolls]( and Daniel Dennett on [how to criticize with kindness](.
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RELATED READING:
[Anne Lamott on Forgiveness, Self-Forgiveness, and the Relationship Between Brokenness and Joy](
* * *
[Thin Slices of Anxiety: An Illustrated Meditation on What Itâs Like to Live Enslaved by Worry and How to Break Free](
* * *
[Anne Lamott on Love, Despair, and Our Capacity for Change](
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