Apple’s $3,499 headset is a nail in the vibecession’s coffin

At least it isn’t another black rectangle. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a new black rectangle of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. On Sundays, we look at the major themes of the week past and how they will define the week ahead. Sign up for the daily newsletter [here](. [OK Computer]( Did Big Tech drive a stake into the heart of the vibecession? I dunno, I’d hold off on the [Kirby dance](, Kyla Scanlon, the vibecession seems to have infinite [1Ups](. Last week’s survey of consumer confidence from the Conference Board [found]( that fewer than a quarter of Americans said business conditions were “good,” and while the University of Michigan’s consumer sentiment index continued to [climb]( in January, it’s still way, way below its post-Great Recession, pre-Covid [range](. The way people feel about the economy is always a lagging indicator of the actual state of the economy, and if sentiment doesn’t giddyup, Donald Trump may walk back into the White House. So how would Big Tech change the political scene? “These companies are now so important that their results are treated almost like macroeconomic data,” Isabelle Lee [writes](. And as the earnings rolled out last week, John Authers was [watching]( a bullfight: “Sometimes there’s no room for financial ambiguity. That seems to be true of the latest wave of results from Big Tech, with the first-quarter earnings of both Meta Platforms Inc. and Amazon.com Inc. received rapturously after Thursday’s market close.” Of the former, Dave Lee thinks a little baksheesh gave [a big bounce](. “Meta Platforms Inc.’s efficiency-obsessed investors don’t like to see the company spend money. Unless — and this will shock you — it’s going into their pockets,” Dave [writes](. “The company’s announcement on Thursday that it will pay its first-ever quarterly stock dividend at 50 cents a share — and increase its share buyback plan by $50 billion — set off shareholder fireworks: Up more than 15% after hours, Meta was the best performing of the big tech stocks reporting earnings this week.” The skunk at the earnings party was Apple. “The company dropped out of the $3 trillion valuation club this week, leaving Microsoft Corp. to stand alone, thanks to worries over China sales and a multitude of other headaches for the Cupertino-based company,” Dave [writes](. And he compiles a helpful list that Tim Cook might want to burn into the 23 million pixels of his [absurd]( new headset: - Apple is staring down another quarter of underwhelming-at-best revenue - The days are numbered for its 30% App Store tax - Its AI plans are lagging behind - The FTC is coming - The Apple Watch doesn’t have a blood oxygen sensor - The Vision Pro is receiving lukewarm reviews You and I weren’t going to stand out in the rain waiting to plunk down $3,499 for a Vision Pro, but Dave’s a tech columnist, so the Genius Bar is his oyster. “I guess we should be grateful at least that this isn’t just another new black rectangle for your hands or wrist,” he [reports]( from the front lines of consumerism. “But here’s the thing: Look away at your peril. It may no longer be the most valuable corporation in America, but no single company holds as much sway over our habits as Apple. What it does next is important — and this kind of morning, at the company’s stunning store on New York’s Fifth Avenue, may well prove to be yet another turning point in how we interact with technology and one another.” (Dave’s the bearded guy with the fancy accent — [you can’t miss him](): If Apple isn’t doing well, Parmy Olson thinks maybe it’s doing good — or at least better than Microsoft and OpenAI — at [safeguarding our privacy](. And if it’s way behind the frontrunners on artificial intelligence, remember that Steve Jobs himself wasn’t a horse race kinda guy. “Apple famously isn’t first to the party when it comes to new technology,” she writes. “It was slow to enter the smartphone race, and it wasn’t the first to bring out a smartwatch — but it now dominates the market for both because it took the time to engineer its way toward the most user-friendly devices. It’s the same story with AI.” All good on the micrometers, then, but what about the macro picture? Isabelle pulls out a term I’m more used to seeing in my day job as a foreign-affairs wonk: American exceptionalism. “It’s an oft-used phrase, but investors won’t let go of it,” she [notes](. “It’s hard to ignore just how various asset classes in America are continuing to outshine the rest of the world.” Of course, one asset class is shining brightest. So, giddyup America, let’s ride the [Magnificent Seven]( into the vibespansion. Bonus [Computer Love]( Reading: - Billionaire's Grab for [French Tech Prize]( Falters — Lionel Laurent - Microsoft [Omits the AI Progress Report]( Investors Wanted — Dave Lee [Feedback Jam](: What’s the dumbest piece of technology you ever bought on impulse? (My kids haven’t stopped laughing since I told them I had [one of these]( in the 80s.) Let me know at tharshaw@bloomberg.net. [1](#footnote-1) [What’s the World Got in Store](? - Feb. 6: Nevada primary - The Latino Community [Won’t Be Ignored]( in 2024 — Timothy L. O’Brien - Biden [Sounds Like Trump]( on the Border. It’s Good Politics. — Nia-Malika Henderson - Feb 7: US trade balance - Another Trade War With China [Would Be a Fiscal Disaster]( — Karl W. Smith - Feb. 9 : CPI revision - Markets [Don’t Know]( What to Expect Anymore, and That’s Good — Allison Schrager [Head Like a Hole]( Just when you thought I was going to write an entire column on tech without mentioning the sometimes-on-paper richest person in the world, I can’t get him out of my head. And if he has his way, neither will you. OK, OK, the first successful human brain implant by Elon Musk’s Neuralink is inherently terrifying, and this kinda cheap shot is easy: But it got me thinking about the [bizarre dichotomy]( that is Musk — of Good Elon and Bad Elon. Good Elon creates a car company that could save the planet; Bad Elon (allegedly!) [manipulates]( its stock price and (allegedly!) [looks the other way]( when people die. Good Elon works with NASA to make humans a [“multi-planetary species”](; Bad Elon dissembles when [rockets go awry](. Good Elon [gives embattled Ukrainians]( the internet; Bad Elon [takes it away](. Good Elon wants to give future Stephen Hawkings the ability to [type]( really, really fast; Bad Elon wants, well, what does he want? Parmy [lays out]( both cases: “Musk’s goal for Neuralink is to prevent a future AI apocalypse by making our brains bionic … But there’s an obvious paradox in that putting powerful AI into our skulls also brings its risks closer to home.” It leads the pedantic in me to reflect on the Roman god Janus, he of two faces. The popular understanding of the deity (which, oddly for a Roman god, has no classical Greek counterpart) is one of duplicity and shiftlessness. But the Romans saw him very differently: the god of beginnings and ends, of time and transition, of doorways and gates. (Louise Bourgeois [saw him]( very differently indeed.) In Longfellow’s “January,” the deity claims, “My fires light up the hearths and hearts of men.” Let’s hope it’s Good Elon who lights up our brains. Notes: Please send a Bone Fone and feedback to Tobin Harshaw at tharshaw@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. [1] Thanks to everyone who responded to last week's question on boring book assignments. Responses ranged from Petronius to Faulkner to Ayn Rand (I'm assuming she's been "canceled" by now — if not she should be). Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? [Get in touch here](. 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