Musk’s Cybertruck has finally arrived

It's more an advertising vehicle than a driving one. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a Cubist treatment of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. [Sign up here](. Today’s Agenda - Want a [Cybertruck](? Get in line. - [Henry Kissinger’s]( legacy online. - [Private jets]( at COP28? A crime. - Did you get [a flu shot](? I got mine. O Cybertruck, O Cybertruck Elon Musk’s last 24 hours were something out of a black hole: strange and baffling, even to those familiar with the idiosyncrasies of the world’s richest man. It all began with last night’s DealBook Summit, when the owner of X [told the advertisers]( that have stopped spending on his platform to [go “f——”]( themselves. As Nir Kaissar says in a new [video column](: “When you’re the CEO of a company, your feelings are not the most important thing. There are certain business realities that just can’t be waved away.” Without ad revenue, Nir says, “this company is going to bleed billions of dollars a year.” Then came the [Cybertruck]( unveiling this afternoon. Although Musk’s [performance]( wasn’t quite up to his usual NSFW standards, some might consider the [prices]( and [release dates]( of the models offensive: “Predictions of how well the Cybertruck will sell are on the shakiest of ground because it lacks useful precedent,” Liam Denning writes. While the Tesla chief claims he’s sitting on a million reservations, it’s unclear how many of these prospective customers will choose to forge ahead, given they’ll need to fork over an “estimated” $80,000 to $100,000, before tax credits — a far cry from the more affordable [price tags]( the billionaire touted in 2019. The cheapest version — which isn’t even four-wheel drive — comes in at about $60,990. Sounds reasonable, until you realize it isn’t available until 2025 and will have an estimated range of only 250 miles — just barely enough to get from New York City to Cape Cod. Who, then, will buy it? Fleet buyers — or anyone who genuinely needs to tow — typically “don’t prize [Porsche-beating]( acceleration,” Liam writes. Instead, the Cybertruck will be a shiny new toy for people with money to burn who also enjoy Musk’s particular brand of hubris. “Some early adopter will surely apply for ‘GFY’ plates the second they can and then, as soon as they arrive, post a shot of them on X and tag their hero,” he says. “In terms of revenue and profits, the Cybertruck looks like a non-event on the former and likely a drag on the latter, at least in the near term.” Read [the whole thing](. Post Mortem Memes Okay, so I have one question about Henry Kissinger, and one question only: I came up empty-handed after my Google expedition, but [a]( [lot]( [of]( [people]( managed to meet the late US statesman during his 100 years on this earth, so maybe they know better than a search engine. One [such person]( is Andreas Kluth, who says his “gravelly and deep” voice “grew only more so over the years.” But did that gravelly and deep voice ever speak about memes? Was he into [Wojak](? Did he know about [Success Kid](? Did he realize that an anonymous 26-year-old Peruvian [law student]( created [a Twitter account](dedicated to his eventual demise? Of course, he knew about his “eminent detractors,” most of which he outlived, [according to]( his son. But [famous critics]( aside, did Kissinger realize that [his death]( would unleash a [torrent]( of vitriolic [memes]( involving the [grim reaper](, memes that would end up breaking the news of his passing to people around the world? Last night, tens of thousands of people found out not because they read it in the New York Times or heard it on CNN, but because [Nicki Minaj]( had a cryptic premonition on X. Either that, or they received an [emoji-laden chain text]( from their best friend. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up: You’ve gotta wonder what the late centenarian would make of all this tomfoolery. If anyone could shed some light on that subject, it’s our columnist Niall Ferguson, who’s written a [1,008-page biography]( about Kissinger and is in the process of writing a second volume. “Having spent nearly 20 years researching and writing his life, I have come to see that he requires a kind of Cubist treatment,” Niall [explains]( (free read). Kissinger was a man of many complexities. His life began in southern Germany a century ago. He was nine years old when Adolf Hitler came to power in Berlin, and by the time he was 15, he was a refugee who fled with his family to New York. After working at a shaving brush factory, he joined the Army, eventually becoming a counterintelligence officer in occupied Germany, where more than a dozen of his relatives were killed. From there, he began to make choices between evils — choices that led to criticisms about him being “callously indifferent to the victims of other wars and genocides,” in Niall’s words. Those serious, evil choices are the lifeblood of the very unserious memes that have followed Kissinger out the door. But perhaps that’s fitting: According to Niall, the late statesman knew that quick wit was his most powerful tool. “It could break the ice at tense meetings. And it could get the press corps on his side,” he says. “To an extent his enemies found intolerable, Kissinger was a very funny man, with a style of comic delivery that owed much to the American entertainers of Bob Hope’s generation.” When you look at it that way, maybe, just maybe, the memes are meant to be. Take Your PJs to COP Day! For the next two weeks, an estimated 70,000 politicians, business leaders, scientists, activists, journalists and other do-gooders from around the world will be sashaying through Dubai’s [hotel lobbies and restaurants]( for COP28, the infamous climate summit where governments get together to try and stop the world from burning itself to a crisp. Lara Williams, one of our climate columnists, is an attendee. In her [column]( previewing the event, she predicts how it’s all going to go down: “There’ll be a big fight over some words on fossil fuels, particularly over whether we ought to ‘phase out’ or ‘phase down’ their use. Plenty of concessions will be made at the behest of powerful polluters. And the culmination will be a series of political statements and perhaps an operational Loss and Damage Fund, but none of it will be enough to save the planet.” If Lara is right about COP not saving the planet — and I suspect she is — why are 70,000 people flying to the oil-rich country on the eastern Arabian Peninsula in the first place? It “feels a bit like staging an AA meeting in a Fort Lauderdale nightclub during Spring Break,” Mark Gongloff [writes](. “Humanity’s need for dog-and-pony shows” that attract “world leaders, celebrities and grifters” is getting worse, Mark says, equating this year’s COP to a “Green Davos.” What’s worse is that “untold scores of those COP attendees won’t be flying commercial. They’ll be taking private jets, which generate [100 times]( more carbon pollution per passenger than commercial ones,” Mark says. Is it really necessary for King Charles III, Rishi Sunak and David Cameron to each take [their own PJ]( from the UK to Dubai? No, absolutely not. As Mark reminds, “jetpooling is a thing, you guys. Just ask [Taylor](.” Bonus COP28 Content: - Watch: If there’s anything that encapsulates the conflict at the heart of the Middle East’s stance on climate — the belief that you can pump oil and reduce emissions at the same time — it is [Sultan Al Jaber’s resume](. - Read: Minxin Pei says climate change will make this Cold War [far more dangerous]( than the last one. Telltale Charts Sick Kid Season is a particular kind of hell. It tastes like berry-flavored Children’s Motrin, smells like lemon-lime Gatorade and feels ambiguously sticky, like the tissue your child just handed you. Is that snot? Could it be … blood? Or wait, maybe it’s the remnants of the cherry cough drop you gave them two hours ago. It’s “a time where every parent is reacquainted with a familiar kind of helplessness,” Lisa Jarvis [writes](. And yet as each year goes by, more parents are deciding not to get their offspring the flu shot. As of early November, only 32.6% of children had received their flu vaccine — the lowest rate in the last five years. Although doctors recommend getting the shot by the end of October, we’ve still got [months]( of potential spread ahead of us. So please, I’m begging you: There’s still time for you and yours to get the vaccine! Consider this your final PSA. Sadly, it’s not just flu shot doses that are reaching record lows: In 2022, average ACT scores were the lowest in 30 years, and this year’s [results]( were even worse. Barely 20% of students met college-readiness benchmarks in English, math, reading and science — and 43% met none, up from 35% in 2018. “These students will leave school unprepared for either college or the workforce — greatly increasing their risks of [unemployment](, [poverty](, [depression]( and even early [death](,” Bloomberg’s editorial board [writes](. But the dysfunction doesn’t start in high school. A 7th grade English teacher in Houston [took to TikTok]( earlier this year to vent: “I have kids constantly asking me: ‘How do I spell window?’ ‘How do I spell important.’ ‘How do I spell though?’ and they’re dead serious.” If [that's]( is how 7th graders are faring, you can only imagine what will happen when they advance to high school. Further Reading Charlie Munger and the [fading art]( of the second banana. — Beth Kowitt The [fake company]( that tried to rescue WeWork was an hour late. — Matt Levine The US needs to rethink how the country measures and values [community college](. — Brooke Sutherland In Tokyo, being [a publicly listed]( company isn't all that it's cracked up to be. — Gearoid Reidy Deregulating [commercial real estate]( would give neighborhoods taller buildings and more wealth. — Tyler Cowen OpenAI needs [radical transparency]( to move on from its self-inflicted mess. — Dave Lee The inflation outlook is brightening in the euro zone. [What happens]( next? — Marcus Ashworth [UniCredit’s Orcel]( isn’t running victory laps; nor should he be. — Paul J. Davies ICYMI Shane MacGowan [passed away](. Democrats have [no backup plan]( for Biden. Bari Weiss’s news startup is [surging](. Landlords are [tanking]( their tenants’ credit scores. Ammon Bundy has [disappeared](. Coca-Cola helps [workers]( get ahead. Kickers McDonald’s seems to be starting [a new chain](. Penguin parents sleep for [just a few seconds]( at a time. Bakers claim [Costco’s butter]( ruined their Thanksgiving. The Great Sphinx of Giza may have been [sculpted]( by wind. Notes: Please send hand-churned butter and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? [Get in touch here](. You received this message because you are subscribed to Bloomberg's Opinion Today newsletter. 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