Tesla’s Cybertruck is giving investors road rage

Not even Elon Musk sounds happy about it. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a perverse credentialing machine of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. [Sign up here](. Today’s Agenda - Elon’s [Cybertruck]( is here. - [Child labor]( is nothing to cheer. - Peter Thiel [fellows]( have quite the career. - Crypto-funded [terrorism]( can be severe. CYBRTRCK Wanna hear something truly wild? It’s been 1,428 days since Elon Musk [unveiled]( the [Cybertruck](. If Nov. 21, 2019, seems like eons ago — well, that’s because it was, to be honest. Donald Trump was still president. Covid-19 was [still nonexistent](. Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine was still on Vladimir Putin’s drawing board. In other words: The world feels substantially more apocalyptic today. And what better vehicle to ride out the apocalypse than the Cybertruck? It’s the perfect truck-turned-mini-camper of your dreams: Credit: Tesla Or is it? Sure, the Cybertruck is expected to have a “[Camp Mode](” — just like every other Tesla — where the touchscreen display doubles as a [campfire](. But there are plenty of important survival features that this truck doesn’t have. I’ve started making a list, but maybe I’m missing some stuff: Perhaps that’s why Telsa shares are slumping. Even though the first Cybertrucks will finally be delivered to customers on Nov. 30, investors — and [prospective customers]( — aren’t all too pleased with Tesla’s progress. “We dug our own grave with Cybertruck,” Musk [told]( analysts, referring to the level of complexity of the vehicle. “Special products that come along only once in a long while are just incredibly difficult to bring to market, to reach volume, to be prosperous.” “Tesla’s latest results, released Wednesday evening, were worse than the last set, which [were not good at all](,” Liam Denning [writes](. Despite announcing major [discounts]( earlier this year, Tesla hasn’t managed to clear its huge inventory. The grisly earnings numbers are even scarier than [a bear]( on the hunt for some [dinner](: - Tesla’s operating margin has dropped Every. Single. Quarter. since this time last year, down by more than half to just 7.6%. - It delivered roughly 91,000 more vehicles in the third quarter than in the same period last year, an increase of 27%. - But its operating profit fell by $1.9 billion, or more than half. - Gross margin per vehicle is about $7,000, the lowest since at least early 2018. Liam says the Cybertruck’s end-of-November delivery date is way too late to have a significant impact on fourth quarter earnings, for which the consensus estimate has already fallen. “Worse, however, was the cold water thrown on the earnings call [by Musk himself](. Early on, he went out of his way to emphasize that getting the Cybertruck to commercial volumes and ‘cash flow positive at a price that people can afford’ would take time; perhaps 12-18 months,” Liam writes. You’d think that the vehicle would have fabulous margins because it doesn’t even need [a paint job](, but alas. Adding to the fumble is the fact that we literally [don’t know]( the cost of the truck. How are you going to deliver a vehicle in six weeks without a sticker price? Elon’s can of CyberBeer might say “[haha cheers](” on it, but he’s still a ways from being able to celebrate a job well done. The Forklift Kids Listen, I might be growing older and wiser and all that jazz, but I still want to be *in the know.* So I’m always trying to keep up with what the kids are doing without going all [Steve Buscemi]( on them. And today I learned that the kids — in Kentucky, at least — are absolutely NOT alright: While normal 11- and 13 year-olds are busy debating which [Owala]( color is the best, these kids are working at [a warehouse]( operating a forklift. The only fork they should be lifting is the one from girl dinner!!! C’mon, people. Did we somehow forget the Cardinal Rule of Being a Good Person? It’s simple, really: Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, permit a CHILD to operate heavy machinery or engage in the handling of hazardous chemicals to clean machines sharp enough to slaughter thousands of animals a day. I can’t believe we need to write columns [like this]( in the year 2023, but here we go: “The [rise]( in child exploitation is so sharp the Labor Department is struggling to keep up. Minors, some as young as 10, have reportedly been found [working]( at McDonalds franchises, [cleaning]( slaughterhouses on overnight shifts and [stamping]( metal for Hyundai cars,” Kathryn Anne Edwards says. Some members of the Republican Party have the audacity to try and rationalize this all by blaming it on the tight labor market. In some instances, they’re even [pushing]( to relax child labor laws so that kids — often [migrants]( with no parents in the US — can simply skip the sixth grade and shuck some corn instead. Kathryn says their logic, if it can even be called that, is nothing short of “abhorrent.” Read [the whole thing](. Playing Hay Day In Your Heyday I saw [a TikTok]( the other day that said, “Y’all better hope u don’t get sued cause this is what future lawyers are doing in lectures.” The person behind the camera then proceeds to zoom in on people’s computer screens in the class. They caught students … - Browsing the latest fashions on Ralph Lauren’s website - Playing Hay Day — the mobile farming game! - Searching for an apartment online - Scrolling through a Pinterest board - Looking at Google Maps - Playing online chess - Reading the UFC website Moments like these make you wonder whether we’ve gotten the whole higher education thing wrong. What if boring lectures aren’t the best use of our time? Is there something better that our brightest minds could be doing? A good way to answer this question would be to evaluate how Peter Thiel’s controversial education program is going. In 2011, you may recall, he launched a fellowship that paid students $100,000 to drop out of school (Larry Summers [was not a fan](). “The program was widely criticized with many noting the hypocrisy of Thiel, who holds philosophy and law degrees from Stanford University,” Aaron Brown and Richard Dewey [write]( (free read). But what’s come of it? In the decade-plus since, eleven of the [271 recipients]( of the Thiel Fellowship have founded unicorns. That includes: - Vitalik Buterin, co-founder of the Ethereum blockchain (market cap of about $200 billion) - Austin Russel, co-founder of Luminar Technologies ($8.5 billion valuation) - Paul Gu, co-founder of Upstart ($4.8 billion valuation) - Dylan Field, co-founder of Figma (sold to Adobe for roughly $20 billion) - Lucy Guo co-founder of Scale AI (last valued at more than $7 billion) - Robert Habermeier, co-founder of Polkadot (market cap of $4.5 billion) “The results of the Thiel Fellowship demonstrate that colleges likely block or delay the success of the most promising students,” Aaron and Richard write. Now maybe you’re thinking: What about Rhodes Scholars? Don’t they do pretty well for themselves? While prestigious scholarships can easily pay well over $100,000 to keep smarties in school, they operate within established systems. “All of them put together can’t match the kind of entrepreneurial success before age 35 of Thiel fellows,” they argue. That’s because Thiel is a big believer of high-stakes innovation. He sees the current model of higher education as a “perverse credentialing machine.” Instead of allowing students to choose the most impactful career path from the get-go, universities shove them into stark hallways that contain only two doors: consulting or banking, neither of which is particularly fulfilling. Playing Hay Day during lecture hall may be fun, but the exorbitant student loans that come with the graduation cap are not. Telltale Charts Senator Elizabeth Warren’s [crusade]( against crypto-financed terrorism is certainly honorable, but what’s the data look like? Although Lionel Laurent [says]( crypto represents a tiny slice of Hamas’ funding — Iran sends $100 million [annually]( to terror groups and Hamas nets [around]( $300 million from business taxation and extortion — even small amounts can be deadly. Consider Sept. 11, 2001: The attacks [cost]( Al-Qaeda half a million dollars but cost the US $3.3 trillion. “After Israel [swooped]( on crypto accounts linked to Hamas last week, and reportedly froze a Barclays [bank account]( apparently tied to Hamas, the US Treasury on Wednesday slapped sanctions on financial entities and operators linked to Hamas,” he writes. The crackdown is welcome, considering strategies to evade detection are [growing]( in sophistication. The [Avocado Theory]( of Men (h/t Man Repeller circa 2013) goes something like this: Men are like avocados. For most of their 20s, they’re in no rush to enter a relationship. They’re unripe, content to play the field to their heart’s content. Until one day — boom! They meet a girl and get the green light. Suddenly, they are ready to profess their lifelong love to this person, not because she’s particularly special but because that’s just the way it goes when you’re a ripe avocado. Which brings me to this question: What if there were an Avocado Theory for Investing? For the unripe avocados still wanting to avoid commitment, cash — in the form of six-month Treasury bills — would probably be most attractive. For ripe avocados — [TINA]( types — maybe they’d go all-in on stocks. But that doesn’t mean they automatically have the upper hand in this market: “For the first time this century, cash pays a higher yield in interest than the S&P 500 does in earnings — and with cash you actually get the cold hard money in your hands, rather than relying on accountants to calculate corporate profits correctly,” Isabelle Lee [writes](. Unripe avocado commitment-phobes for the win, I guess! Further Reading The House is being [held hostage]( by zealots who prefer social media stunts to actual governing. — Bloomberg’s editorial board The US is [easing]( Trump-era oil sanctions on Venezuela. What does that mean for Iran? — Javier Blas Whether Musk says it or not, X [is a publisher](, and the Gaza conflict is proof. — Michael Arceneaux ESG is heading into its inevitable [endgame](. — Merryn Somerset Webb One of this century’s top performing [European stocks]( has fallen back to earth. — Chris Bryant India can’t simply [float above the fray]( in the Middle East. — Mihir Sharma ICYMI is planning for [wartime stimulus](. Sidney Powell pleaded [guilty]( in the Trump trial. [Coffee badging]( is risky business. (h/t Victoria Benning) [Selling sunset]( isn’t so easy these days. A common [stomach bug]( can cause cancer. Kickers Everyone can [dress]( like Rihanna now. A children’s show [turned into]( a MAGA rally. A 30-minute jog? Nah, I’ll be in [the hot tub](. Argentina’s election involves [five cloned dogs](. A zoo elephant [died]( from a rowdy dog. John Legend’s app wants to [be better]( than Yelp. Notes: Please send THE jumpsuit and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? [Get in touch here](. You received this message because you are subscribed to Bloomberg's Opinion Today newsletter. If a friend forwarded you this message, [sign up here]( to get it in your inbox. 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