Only Kevin McCarthy had a worse day than SBF

A new hairdo isn’t going to help his defense. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a courtroom sketch of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. [Sign up here](. Today’s Agenda - SBF’s heads to [trial](. - Climate activists [also file](. - Trump and Biden are [in denial](. - Luxury stocks are [out of style](. Crypt...oh When I was a small child, I was adamant about growing out my hair for as long as humanly possible. Brushing my rat’s nest was a Herculean task that would often end in tears. “Don’t you want a haircut?!” I’d get asked. The answer was always no. And whenever I saw my grandma, she would run her fingers through my hair, making a scissor-cutting motion as if threatening to chop it off herself. I eventually caved and became a [Locks of Love]( girlie, but it took some convincing — and a trip to Baskin-Robbins. That said, at least I wasn’t facing the prospect of prison time! Word on the street is that Sam Bankman-Fried was looking rather [spiffy]( for jury selection today. He got a [haircut]( and his lawyers made sure he was sporting his best business attire in court. My question is: Does he think [a haircut]( is going to help him win over the jury? I mean, [maybe](: Or [maybe not](: Judge Lewis Kaplan is the dude who will decide how much time the FTX founder will get behind bars if the jury finds him guilty. Today’s [task]( is simple: Select a dozen jurors and six alternates to serve on the case. But because this trial has Bernie Madoff-levels of buzz, finding people who can be fair and impartial might be easier said than done — no matter what they think of the defendant’s new hairdo. Already, it sounds like the pool of potential jurors is full of characters: We’ve got a [Joe Rogan stan](, a guy that’s in [cello debt]( and someone whose hedge fund [invested]( in Alameda (the research arm of FTX) and lost money. The stakes for SBF couldn’t be higher. He faces a maximum [prison term]( of 20 years for *each* of the five most serious charges: No matter which way you slice or dice it, SBF’s defense is gonna be difficult, Matt Levine [writes]( (free read). That’s because in a lot of people’s minds, the formula for financial fraud is simple, and FTX fits pretty neatly into the equation: Your customers’ money is [gone]( + You lived in a $30 million penthouse in the [Bahamas]( = No good, very bad, evil behavior Convincing a jury that the whole thing was just one big, careless accident that you’re [reallyyyy sorry]( about will be tremendously tricky. For starters, Matt says the mechanics behind a crypto futures exchange are “vastly more complicated than a jury is going to want to hear.” And even if the defense can jump that hurdle, many problems remain for SBF, beginning with his firm’s record-keeping. “FTX’s actual accounting was cartoonishly bad,” Matt writes, but not in a figurative way. Supervisors were literally approving disbursements with [personalized emoji]( responses. Then there’s Alameda: Apparently there was a [setting]( that allowed the trading firm to have an infinite negative balance. It could borrow freely from FTX with zero collateral. “A key part of the trial will be about whether Bankman-Fried authorized this,” Matt says. SBF, for his part, says no. But the rest of his [former crew]( will [probably testify]( that he did. Another absurdity that the jury will need to contend with is that SBF named a cryptocurrency after himself. He called them “Samcoins.” Imagine: You make a bet on the price of Bitcoin and then Alameda takes your money and [bets it all]( on … Samcoins, a made-up token that you’ve never heard of! “There is something disturbingly Ponzi-ish about taking real customer money — dollars that customers gave you to bet on, sure, crypto, but at least crypto that you don’t control — and using it to prop up the prices of crypto tokens that you do control,” Matt writes. Whatever happens, it’s certainly going to take more than a haircut to convince the jury to ignore all the sketchiness surrounding SBF’s crypto empire. Read [the whole thing](. Small World Hahaha, imagine going to your first day of 7th grade and the teacher asks the students to share some fun facts. As you’re about to say, “I got a hamster for my birthday,” one of your new classmates pipes up and says, “last year I sued a bunch of sovereign nations because they’re not doing enough to stop climate change.” No, [for real](: Six youngsters from Portugal, represented by a small [crowdfunded]( legal team, charged 32 countries and their 86-strong team of lawyers with climate crimes last week. It’s part of a wave of judicial mobilization seeking to ensure climate agreements aren’t just words on paper. The claimants, aged between 11 and 24, accuse the nations – including all 27 European Union member states, along with the UK, Norway, Turkey, Switzerland and Russia — of failing to do enough to combat the climate crisis, and thus threatening their right to live a safe, happy and healthy life. Lara Williams [says]( youth climate activists all over the world are going after governments in order to inspire more leaders to cut emissions deeply and swiftly. “A ruling from the courts is expected in the first half of 2024. And the decision isn’t just symbolic: The judges may resolve on a legally binding order for the accused countries to act faster on climate change,” she writes. And it’s not just governments that should be urged to change their habits and address climate-related hazards. “For big companies, doing business without tracking climate risks is increasingly like steering a luxury liner through the North Atlantic without watching for icebergs,” Mark Gongloff [writes](. California recently passed a law requiring both public and private companies to be more transparent about their emissions. Many members of Corporate America are not pleased about this. They complain the disclosures will be onerous and costly, and Mark says they do have a point: “If you’re a dishwasher manufacturer, say, how do you account for the emissions in the complete life cycle of every dishwasher you sell, each of which will be used somewhat differently (and often wrongly) by every customer?” he asks. Still, “this hard accounting will almost certainly be unavoidable in the long run,” he writes. Plus, if companies get their books in order now, it should save them from getting sued by an 11-year-old in the future. Crash Course Life imitates art? Source: HBO/Succession “I don't think Rupert Murdoch wakes up in the morning and is like, oh, I might be ruining American democracy. I think he's like, the numbers are good, the numbers are bad.” On the latest [episode]( of Crash Course, Tim O’Brien discusses [the legacy of Rupert Murdoch]( with Molly Jong-Fast, a special correspondent for Vanity Fair, ubiquitous TV commentator and host of the Fast Politics podcast. Telltale Charts When you have a former president [sharing]( courtroom [sketches]( of himself sitting next to Jesus Christ of all people, it’s easy to get confused about what real and [what’s not](. Consider the economy. Previously, Donald Trump has [called]( Joe Biden’s jobs numbers “phony.” And Biden has [said]( his “economic revival” represents a “fundamental break from the Republican approach.” In times like this, you yearn to see the cold, hard data. And Justin Fox is happy to provide it. In the evergreen battle that is Bidenomics vs. Maganomics, the sides are [pretty much tied](, contrary to what you may hear from the podium. After recent GDP revisions, “the Trump administration now almost matches growth so far under Joe Biden. To be more precise, it’s 2.061% a year for Trump compared with 2.146% for Biden,” he says. The fashion world is still buzzing on the news that Kim Kardashian [wore]( Balenciaga during Paris Fashion Week. It was the first time the star supported the brand since [Demna’s]( child pornography [controversy](. Even if her endorsement means the designer is officially “[un-cancelled](,” it will be tough to get Kering and all the other luxury stocks back on track. “The industry faces a difficult year or so, but rising wealth in many parts of the world — and a desire to show it off — should continue to buoy demand for Louis Vuitton bags and Moncler coats,” Andrea Felsted [writes](. Further Reading Lina Khan’s got Amazon [all wrong](. — Bloomberg’s editorial board C’mon, Elon. We all need to keep supporting [Ukraine](. — Andreas Kluth Debates around [migration]( are light on facts. — Marc Champion Stalking women, and humiliating them, is [MAGA certified](. — Francis Wilkinson India’s [growth battery]( might be running out of juice. — Mihir Sharma It’s the [Fed’s rate](. We just have to live with it. — Daniel Moss [Wastewater data]( is key to unraveling Covid mysteries. — F.D. Flam ICYMI Kevin McCarthy got [the boot](. A fatal bus [crash]( in Venice, Italy. A health care [strike]( is on the horizon. Social media is [not helping]( publishers. Kickers Paramount put Mean Girls [on TikTok](. (h/t Ale Lampietti) Liquid IV is [doing]( DTC. Chipotle has a [burrito robot](. France has a [bedbug problem]( on its trains. Selecting a [sparkly drink]( is overwhelming. McDonald’s [onion rings]( are never gonna happen. Notes: Please send onion rings and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? 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