Apple’s Ozempic era has arrived

The thinnest iPad ever is a welcome innovation. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, the bean variety used in Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. [Sign up here](. Today’s Agenda - A wee little lad with a [wee little iPad](. - [Coffee in China]( is a major fad. - This [Alzheimer’s gene]( is very bad. - A price on [carbon emissions]( would be rad. Apple’s Ozempic Era Which would you say is thinner: the [new iPad]( or Kim Kardashian’s [waist](? Because honestly, I can’t decide: Promoting unrealistic body standards is something I’ve (sadly) come to expect from events like the Met Gala. But her waist is seemingly tinier than her neck! She’s BARELY breathing. I don’t know how it’s physically … possible? Which, maybe it’s not: “Where’d Kim put her internal organs?” one Instagram user [asked]( The Cut. It’s as if she got a sneak peek at Tim Cook’s [latest product launch]( — a 13-inch iPad Pro with a depth of just 5.1 millimeters — and told him, “hold my beer.” But unlike Kim’s overly-cinched waist, the thinnest Apple product ever is a welcome innovation. The last significant update to the iPad Pro happened over five years ago in 2018. “This is a chance for a revival of a product that shows great promise but has always felt artificially constrained,” Dave Lee [writes]( (free read). By “artificially constrained,” he means that Apple purposefully built its tablet to be sliiightly inferior to its computers so customers would still be tempted to buy MacBooks. It sounds sneaky! And slightly evil! But unless Apple considers “minutes spent watching Peppa Pig reruns” as a KPI, the strategy kinda backfired: “If you ever see an iPad ‘in the wild,’ it’s just as likely to be in the clutches of a toddler rather than a businessperson or student,” Dave explains. As much as we love to observe the [strange behavior]( of Gen Alpha’s [iPad kids](, they are not money makers for Apple. And the reason for that is obvious: Parents have little need to update these devices from one kiddo to the next. Today’s announcement is Apple’s attempt to shift the narrative and tell people that these iPads are the Honey Nut Cheerios (not the [Trix](!) of consumer tech: a crowd-pleaser for adults and kids. But even if the thinnest product yet does spur sales (which, let’s be real, it will), Dave says “the mass appeal of the iPad will remain sorely lacking until Apple throws off the shackles and creates a genuinely portable computer — the device that Jobs envisioned [in 2010](.” I wish I could say the same about the mass appeal of a certain snatched celebrity, but alas. Bonus Apple Reading: The Magnificent Seven’s [performance]( propelled the S&P 500 despite setbacks from Tesla and Meta. — John Authers [Me Espresso]( Is Getting Expensive The funny thing about [the above tweet]( is that until recently, most people in China didn’t even know what espresso tasted like. The not-so-funny thing about it is that we have an overly simplistic view of communism in the West, which Karishma Vaswani [can explain]( to you in detail (for free!). But back to beans in Beijing: Fifteen years ago, coffee culture in China was virtually nonexistent. It was tea time, all the time. Fast-forward to today, and [coffee]( is [all the rage](. China is now the world’s seventh largest coffee consumer and has even more [branded coffee shops]( than the caffeine-addled US. This year, a new Starbucks will open in the country every other day. At the same time, Javier Blas [says]( “the cost of robusta coffee, the bean variety used in instant coffee and some espresso blends, has surged 60% over the past year, reaching recently its highest in nearly half a century.” Commodity traders will tell you the price spike is because of bad weather in Vietnam, which is true. But Javier says China’s new taste for the beverage is also a major culprit. The fact that Sabrina Carpenter [has a chokehold]( on the entire universe probably doesn’t help, either, but I digress. The time to stock up on coffee beans is now, since Javier says that jump in wholesale costs will soon be reflected on grocery store shelves. For long time, “coffee was one of the few commodities that one could still analyze without paying much attention to China. That’s not the case anymore.” Read [the whole thing]( while it’s still piping hot. Bonus China Reading: - Xi Jinping’s [first European tour]( in five years may look like a honeymoon, but it’s anything but. — Lionel Laurent - The China trade is back; just look at [the sharp jump]( in Hong Kong’s stock market. — Shuli Ren Telltale Charts Uhhh would you wanna get tested to see if you had an Alzheimer’s gene? Chris Hemsworth did in 2022, and [he found out]( that he carried two copies of the gene. But not everyone wants to make that discovery at such a young age. “On the one hand, without a treatment to disrupt the course of the disease, the results might simply cause anxiety,” Lisa Jarvis [writes](. “On the other, people could make lifestyle changes, prepare for a future where they might need long-term care, or even seek out a clinical trial.” If you’re on the fence about it, a [new paper]( in Nature Medicine might convince you to call the doctor: A group of neurologists found that patients with two copies of a gene called APOE4 aren’t just at risk of Alzheimer’s — they are almost certain to develop it by the time they’re 65. Carbon trading is kinda weird because “emissions reductions aren’t fungible like physical commodities: A ton from a country with weak [oversight]( might not be worth much; a tree-saving offset can go up in [smoke]( or be an outright [fraud](. Prices range as low as $1 per ton for the shoddiest offsets, good for only the most desultory greenwashing,” Bloomberg’s editorial board [writes](. “Unless mitigation is perfect and permanent, crediting it against real emissions leaves the world further from net zero.” As you read this, the global weighted average price of carbon is about $5 per ton — way less than what we need to keep climate change in check: Telltale Photo Hate on tourists all you want, but there’s no denying that they are making crucial contributions to society’s collective brain rot. They’re out here relishing the beauty of Mt. Fuji by posing in front of a convenience store, of all places, probably because they saw it on some Pinterest listicle like “Top 10 Aesthetic Photo Ops For Your Trip to Japan.” How else do you explain this image of four girls blocking the parking lot while their Instagram boyfriend (presumably) tries to capture the perfect shot? Photo by Philip Fong/AFP via Getty Images By the end of this month, though, the tourist attraction will be no more. Local authorities in Fujikawaguchiko, a holiday town in the mountain’s shadow, plan to [erect a barrier]( obstructing the so-called landmark. Gearoid Reidy [says]( Japan is far from alone in grappling with overtourism, but the pace of change is stark for residents: “Countries like Italy and Spain have had decades to get used to a tourist influx; Japan became one of the world’s most desired destinations practically overnight.” Further Reading [Bond markets]( are the new stock markets. — Matt Levine Biden’s gotta stop [sending bombs]( to Israel. — Andreas Kluth Democrats … in Florida? Yes, [they do exist](. — Mary Ellen Klas Too big to fail or not, [UBS shareholders]( will be fine. — Paul J. Davies In Britain, a long-awaited [NIMBY reckoning]( is coming. — Matthew Brooker A Gaza cease-fire should end with [Hamas’ exile](. — Marc Champion Your daily reminder that [immigrants are good]( for government coffers. — Tyler Cowen ICYMI TikTok [is suing]( the US government. Equinox wants [$40,000 a year]( to help you live longer. A security guard [got shot]( outside Drake’s mansion. Panera is ditching its [“charged” lemonades](. One out of every 24 New Yorkers [is a millionaire](. (Excluding [turkeys]( and [turtles](.) Kickers [Sound waves]( speed up the cold brew process. How to escape Honda’s [privacy hell](. The [package king]( of Miami is in too deep. Does [rat birth control]( actually work? Marvel takes [some work]( off its plate. At [Carbone Beach](, everyone’s a somebody. Notes: Please send me espresso and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. 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