Musk is Mr. Excuses — but Tesla stock still popped off

Plus: Ukraine aid, Taylor Swift reviews and more. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a demon mode of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. [Sign up here](. Today’s Agenda - [Tesla]( rises despite [a big miss](. - Spend the Ukraine aid [on this](. - Enough [handbags]( to fill the abyss. - Hold off on your [Taylor Swift]( diss. [Show ‘Em What You’re Worth]( On a scale of one to sending Katy Perry her Cybertruck on the eve of earnings to detract from your abysmal quarter, how desperate are you? I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Surely Katy Perry’s Tesla [purchase]( is a pure coincidence. Let’s just hope her [accelerator pedal]( was fixed before delivery day. The Cybertruck [recall]( is just one of many headaches for Elon Musk, who has more than likely descended into “[demon mode](” at this point. While his company weathers its longest stock rout since late 2022, he’s fought [to get his money back]( from Delaware (a saga Matt Levine can tell you all about), started [bitter feuds]( with prime ministers on X and announced Tesla’s [biggest layoffs]( ever. “The past year has witnessed a sequence of events concerning Tesla that mark it out as a car company,” Liam Denning [writes](. “It has built too many vehicles relative to demand. It has slashed prices to shift them, with decidedly mixed results. Margins have been squeezed as a result.” Plus, outstanding complications threaten to derail the EV maker even further. This disclaimer in its [latest results]( proves as much: Decline in volumes was partially due to the early phase of the production ramp of the updated Model 3 at our Fremont factory and factory shutdowns resulting from shipping diversions caused by the Red Sea conflict and an arson attack at Gigafactory Berlin. An arson attack! Red Sea conflict! The excuses are all there, folks. And investors seem to be buying it. Despite missing on earnings per share, fumbling the ball on revenue and reporting net income down by 55% year-over-year (!!!), the stock [popped off]( in after-hours trading. Perhaps that magical thinking has to do with the fact that Musk has [staked Tesla’s future]( on the [robotaxi](, a next-generation, self-driving vehicle, which, mind you, Liam [says]( has been on Musk’s to-do list since at least 2016. If this slide from Tesla’s latest [shareholder deck]( is any indication, he’s added humanoid robots, ride-hailing services and insurance to that list: Honestly, I’m kind of seeing the master plan: your Tesla insurance kicks in when you call the company’s ride-hailing service and your robotaxi runs over a humanoid robot? Bonus Tesla Trouble Watching: Elon Musk has weaponized the word “censorship” on X in much the same way Trump did “fake news.” But he’s got other companies to worry about. Are his culture wars paying off? Tomorrow morning at 10am ET, Dave Lee [will join]( Parmy Olson and Liam Denning to discuss. Is Elon Musk Doing More Harm Than Good? The Congressional Junk Drawer At first, the “Ukraine bill” sounds pretty straightforward. It’s a bill that gives money to Ukraine. But then you say, hmm, it’s a $95 billion aid package, $61 billion of which goes straight to President Volodymyr Zelenskiy’s coffers. But where does the other $34 billion go? Well, $26 billion gets sent to Israel and Gaza and $8 billion is for security in Taiwan. That all makes sense. It’s foreign aid! But then you realize ohh, it also could lead to a [nationwide TikTok ban](?? It’s like if the contents of my junk drawer — takeout menus, plastic silverware, a lighter, a stray Tide Pod, seven quarters and two dollars — were turned into legislation. Yet the Senate [voted to advance it]( today anyway. In Kyiv, James Stavridis [says]( the conversation has quickly turned to the big question: How should Ukrainians spend it? “Nearly 90% of money for Ukraine will be [spent]( on purchases from the US defense industrial base,” he writes. First on the shopping list should be surface-to-air missiles. With those bad boys, James says Ukraine will be able to bolster defenses, protect civilians and fight Russian aircraft. After that, they’ll want to hit up the artillery ammunition aisle to pick up a couple million 155 millimeter howitzer rounds and ammo for smaller-caliber guns. They’ll also want to use the funds to get the F-16 fighters previously [promised by the West]( into the skies. The US’s drone department, too, could prove useful. “Putin must be stopped, and with the right set of tools provided by the US and Europe together, Ukraine too can do the job,” he writes. And then there’s … TikTok? When President Biden signs the bill — and he says he will — the clock will start ticking for ByteDance, giving the Chinese company a year to sell its social platform or be effectively shut down. In the eyes of our elected officials, TikTok is the root of all evil, the creator of brain rot and the destroyer of all freedoms. Still, Dave Lee [is skeptical]( of the motives behind the legislation: “If Congress wants Americans to support its ban of TikTok, it’s time to bring out the receipts: Show precisely on what grounds the US is banning one of the world’s most popular and [culturally significant]( social networks.” Secure the Bag? Speaking of TikTok’s cultural significance: A former Capitol Hill employee named Beverly Hart has [a series]( on the app called,“How to Spot a Republican or Democratic Staffer Based on Their Handbag.” The woman lugging around an L.L. Bean Boat and Tote? She’s a centrist Democrat. The Chanel flap? She “doesn’t like to talk about politics” but she’s a Republican. The Baggu Crescent Bag? Socialist. A Longchamp tote? Problem Solvers Caucus. While Hart’s [methods]( may be [questionable](, it’s quite entertaining. And more than that, it shows just how many handbags actually exist in this world! Her series could go on endlessly. Which brings me to the US Federal Trade Commission’s beef over Tapestry’s $8.5 billion takeover bid for rival Capri Holdings. The FTC argues that the parent of Coach and Kate Spade competes head-to-head with the parent of Michael Kors on price, discounts, promotions and innovation. It also says the market they operate in is distinct from, say, Louis Vuitton and Kering. “But anyone who thinks there is no competition in handbags has never shopped for one,” Andrea Felsted [argues](. Which, YES! I bet most people at the FTC have never even heard of Staud’s sardine [Tommy Bag]( or Polène’s [Numéro Dix](. Two brands which, by the way, are no doubt competitors of Tapestry and Capri. Plus, “high-low” trends are everywhere these days. People are pairing Loewe mini bags with $50 [mesh flats]( they bought on [Amazon](! Andrea says consumers now “browse the price spectrum,” shopping everywhere from Zara to Coach, which sells the Tabby, a Gen Z-favorite. “It is in this more affordable segment where competition could intensify, not lessen,” she writes. Telltale Charts Did you know that Taylor Swift released not one, but two new albums on Friday? If your answer is “no,” I either have to assume you are a bald-faced liar or you live in Green Bank, West Virginia[1](#footnote-1). Within 24 hours of the release of The Tortured Poets Department, the internet was flooded with half-baked reviews and fan theories, both in the news and on social media. In my newest [(free) column](, I argue that “the harebrained inquiries into Swift’s romantic life and the quick-fire answers to them in text chains, articles and tweets — ‘It’s about [Matty Healy](! Wait, it could be [Harry Styles](! No, it’s clearly [Travis Kelce](!’ — cheapen the listening experience and discount the nuance of the music itself.” Nobody should have to stay up until dawn to finish a 31-song double album as if were a college paper that needs to be completed by the morning. Riddle me this: How is it that the Chinese government — which loves to say “nahhh, we don’t import ANY oil from Iran” — somehow buys more than twice as much Malaysian oil as Malaysia actually produces? It’s an impossibility, [writes]( Javier Blas: “The reality is that China simply [rebrands]( every barrel of Iranian crude it imports as Malaysian — the easiest and cheapest way to defy US sanctions, according to oil traders.” The gall!!! China’s not even trying to be stealthy here. Its blatant deception is even more obvious than this [kiwi meme](. And yet the White House just turns a blind eye to it all! Tsk, tsk. “The truth is, the US doesn’t need new sanctions on Iranian oil — it needs to enforce the ones it already has,” Javier argues. Further Reading The Federal Reserve’s [difficult task]( suddenly looks even harder. — Bloomberg’s editorial board GE’s CEO factory is dead. It’s a [damning indictment]( of the house that Jack Welch built. — Beth Kowitt Mexico’s elite business leaders are [sleepwalking]( into a risky political situation. — Juan Pablo Spinetto US Secretary of State Antony Blinken needs to [show China]( there’s a way out. — Karishma Vaswani For the first time in a long time, the dollar is [reliably strong]( for all the right reasons. — Jonathan Levin Barcelona’s removal of a [popular bus route]( from Google and Apple maps isn’t fair to tourists. — Tyler Cowen [The “finternet”]( will be here sooner than you think — are you ready for it? — Andy Mukherjee [Sweltering heat]( is keeping some voters in India away from the election. — David Fickling ICYMI The FTC [banned]( noncompete agreements. The DOJ [settled]( with Larry Nassar’s victims. Biden’s helicopter [keeps burning]( the lawn. Threads has [more daily users]( in the US than X. Foxtrot abruptly [closed]( all of its stores. Kickers New York is [turning 400](. Bots are stealing your [dinner reservation](. Oreos and Doritos! It’s [what’s for dinner](. Notes: Please send beany leeky greens with greeky rampy beans and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. [Sign up here]( and follow us on [Threads](, [TikTok](, [Twitter](, [Instagram]( and [Facebook](. [1] Green Bank, West Virginia is a small town of less than 150 people located in the [National Radio Quiet Zone.]( All cell phones, WiFi, Bluetooth, and other electronic transmitters [are illegal](. Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? [Get in touch here](. 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