Barking Up The Wrong Tree July 24th, 2023 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my new book become a bestseller! To check it out, click [here](. --------------------------------------------------------------- New Research Reveals 5 Secrets That Will Make You Persuasive ([Click here]( to read on the blog) Who wouldnât like to have a few magic words that can warp reality? Shazam! Abracadabra! Hocus pocus! And then everything works out. We all yearn for a few elusive syllables that can produce linguistic sorcery but they seem about as easy to find as an original thought on Twitter. Well, believe it or not, it seems like there just might be a few magic words... In the 1970s, [researchers]( from Harvard approached people using a copy machine and asked if they could cut the line and go first. Sometimes they merely asked, but other times they added âbecause Iâm in a rush.â Adding the word âbecauseâ increased the number of people who said âyesâ by 50%. A fifty-percent increase is enormous in psychology studies. Some people might not be that impressed. They might think, âWell, the people were being nice because the researchers said they were in a rush.â But thatâs not what happened. So they repeated the experiment and this time gave a meaningless reason. They wanted to cut ahead âbecause I have to make some copies.â Thatâs not a good excuse at all. Results showed it was just as effective as saying âbecause Iâm in a rush.â The reason didnât matter. It was the magic word âbecauseâ that made the difference. Holy Manchurian Candidate, Batman! We might have a secret to influence here. And âbecauseâ [isnât the only one]( Saying you ârecommendâ rather than âlikeâ something makes people 32 percent more likely to take your suggestion. Using the word âwhomâ in online dating profiles makes men 31 percent more likely to get a date. Adding more prepositions to a cover letter makes you 24 percent more likely to get the job. And saying âis notâ rather than âisnâtâ when describing a product makes people pay three dollars more to get it.
(And, personally, Iâll add that when I say I did something at 5AM people think I am far more responsible than when I say I did something at 4AM.) So what other magic phrases can we use to communicate more effectively? Well, somebody has dug them up... Jonah Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. His new book is â[Magic Words]( Want to learn how some small tweaks in how you speak can get you much better results? (Frankly, sometimes I say things so stupid Iâm surprised they donât give me lip cancer.) Gather 'round, my rhetorical ruffians. Letâs get to it... 1) Turn Actions Into Identities âFred goes runningâ or âFred is a runnerâ â which phrase makes you think Fred runs more often? Probably the latter. âCategory labelsâ give a sense of stability. They imply a behavior will persist. When we think thatâs who someone is, we assume they will always be that way. Lawyers will say their client âisnât a criminal; he just did something bad.â Research shows changing nouns to verbs makes a big difference. So on your resume, say youâre âa hard workerâ, not youâre âhard working.â You can also use this to persuade others. Giving people a chance to confirm desired identities makes them more like to comply with requests. Asking people to âbe a voterâ vs âto voteâ increased turnout by 15%. Telling students âdonât be a cheaterâ instead of âdonât cheatâ more than halved the amount of cheating. You can powerfully influence peopleâs behavior and it doesnât have to be as impossible as trying to cancel a subscription online. You have an identity but children are still looking for theirs. And, yes, you can ruthlessly exploit this to get them to clean their bedroom. Asking kids to âbe a helperâ instead of âto helpâ increased compliance by almost a third. Heck, you can even use this with yourself. If youâre trying to make that exercise habit stick, donât say that you run. Start referring to yourself as âa runner.â Itâs not something you do; itâs who you are. Okay, your magic powers are growing. What other linguistic alchemy can we use? 2) Be Concrete If you're going to persuade people, it helps to be concrete. No, I don't mean you should encase yourself in a block of cement, though that would make for an interesting conversation starter. Research shows using concrete language increases attention, support, and drives action. When service reps used more concrete words, customers were more satisfied with the interaction and spent 30 percent more with the company in the subsequent weeks. Now you might think this is because concrete language is more clear but that wasnât the primary reason it worked. The key was that concrete language makes people feel heard. When retail salespeople said, âLet me go find that shirt in grayâ it was far more effective than when they replied, âIâll go look for that.â It made it clear the salesperson was listening. So next time your partner is complaining about their day, instead of replying, âThat sounds badâ say, âI canât believe the VP showed up 45 minutes late.â Now thereâs a flip side to this. When should you not be concrete? A Harvard Business School study showed that when startups were seeking funding, abstract language improved results. It made investors think the company had more potential for growth. Abstract language signals a better future while concrete language increases understanding of the here and now. Also, abstract wording signals power and suggests someone might be a better leader. This can give you a leg up in the realm of office politics. (The corporate world is like Game of Thrones, but with less murder and more passive aggressive emails.) Which brings us to the issue of power. Some people donât respond as well to niceness as we might hope. There are folks you couldnât draw empathy out of if you used an industrial centrifuge. They're louder than a jet engine, more persistent than a telemarketer, and have the uncanny ability to turn every conversation into a one-person show about themselves. All they understand is power. So how do we persuade them? 3) Conveying Confidence Confidence is like the Spanx of emotions â it smooths out the bumps and lumps and makes everything look just a little bit better. Confidence is like the sriracha sauce of conversation, making everything it touches infinitely more appealing. But how do we convey it? Use less hedging. Studies show that when speakers hedge, listeners are less likely to comply with a recommendation. So cut the âmaybesâ and âkind ofs.â Use words like âdefinitelyâ and âclearly.â This makes listeners more likely to follow your lead. Sometimes we need to hedge but make sure itâs deliberate. Even more importantly, donât hesitate. Reduce the âumsâ, âahsâ and âlike, you knows.â A few are okay, but too many reduced impact. Hesitation was even more detrimental than hedges. Studies show lower status speakers that didnât hesitate were received better than higher status speakers that did. If you need time to think, deliberately pause and compose your thoughts before you speak. Another powerful tip is to turn the past into the present. Music reviews with present tense verbs were found to be more persuasive. When doing a work presentation talk about âwhat you findâ instead of âwhat you found.â Talking about things in the past tense sounds subjective and transient. Using the present tense sounds like it will endure and still be true for the listener. Donât say the restaurant âmadeâ great steaks, say it âmakesâ great steaks. So confidence makes you more convincing â but is there a time when expressing doubt can help? Yes, when youâre discussing contentious issues and especially among people who have strong beliefs. We often think conversations are all about the information being conveyed but the first consideration listeners have is whether to listen to you at all. Expressing doubt when discussing controversial topics conveys respect and shows that youâre open minded. It shows you feel the topic is complicated and makes people pay attention. Keep this in mind next time politics comes up (which is about every 7 seconds these days). Okay, weâve covered a few ways to make statements but statements arenât the only way to magically influence others... 4) The Power Of Questions Across the board, the research shows asking questions makes people more likable. This held true for first dates, doctor-patient encounters, first meetings, etc. But the impact of questions can vary widely. The type that consistently had the best results were follow-up questions. Across a broad range of situations, follow-up questions led to people being perceived more positively because it shows you care and proves youâre paying attention. Next time youâre uncertain what to say, instead of filling the silence with the usual verbal dysentery of rambling â ask a follow-up question. In work contexts people often limit questions because they donât want to sound ignorant. Theyâre afraid of looking like the kind of person who mistakes a bidet for a water fountain. But the research shows the opposite: asking for advice makes you seem more competent. Sounds counterintuitive but weâre forgetting the very human element of ego. Asking people questions makes them feel smart. And, of course, they know what theyâre talking about so if you bothered to ask them youâre obviously competent enough to know a reliable source when you see one, right? But what about when people ask us questions? And Iâm talking about the tough ones. Like those awkward questions in a negotiation that you donât want to answer. Itâs a sticky situation. A battle of wills that would make Sun Tzu throw up his hands in defeat. Giving them the information might hurt your position but declining to answer seems rude. You feel like you're on the wrong end of the food chain. There doesnât seem to be a good answer. (I hate moments like this. But then again calling me a trained negotiator is like calling Panda Express âauthentic Chinese cuisine.â) So rather than committing an act of fiscal self-immolation, deflect. Jonah says that responding to a question with a question is a great move here. Hiding info doesnât go over well but asking for more information is seen positively. It ties in with the ego-massaging issue we just discussed. Youâre not being evasive, youâre engaged, flattering even. And all the while you shift the focus to something less threatening to your position. It seems like youâre seeking relevant information rather than hiding it. And, in turn, how do we get people to divulge negative information even when itâs not in their interest? Change the default position in your question. When asking about that used car, donât say, âIt doesnât have any problems, does it?â This assumes there are none and in studies it was less effective than flipping the default and asking, âSo what problems does it have?â This assumes there are issues that need to be discussed and people were more forthcoming about revealing them. And now we get to the magic words you need to use when youâre dealing with the most difficult person of all⦠yourself. 5) Talking To Yourself Turns out there are better and worse ways of doing this. Sometimes weâre trying to put term limits on our anxiety. And the best way to do that is by using the third person. Getting some distance helped. When you need that personal hype man in your head to boost you up, donât say, âI can do this.â Instead, go for, âYou can do thisâ or âEric, youâve got this.â (Note: this will work better if your name is Eric.) When people avoided the first person they were more confident, less anxious and performed better in studies where they had to do public speaking. And then we have the common struggles over willpower. To not eat the cookie, to not have the third glass of wine. One wrong move and your binge-eating indiscretions are scattered around you like a crime scene. Here you want to use the magic phrase âI donâtâ instead of âI canât.â Canât implies you still want to. Youâre at cross purposes. Meanwhile donât is empowered and in control. It gets your identity in there. Youâre not the kind of person who does that. And people who told themselves âI donât have three glasses of wineâ were twice as likely to resist temptation. Okay, weâve covered a lot. Letâs round it all up â and weâll also learn the magic words that predict who gets fired and who gets promoted... Sum Up Hereâs how to use magic words to persuade others:
- Turn Actions Into Identities: Donât ask your kid âto helpâ, ask them to âbe a helper.â A slight change in the wording produces more mystical power than anything youâll find in a medieval apothecary.
- Concreteness: When your partner is complaining, donât say âthat sucks.â Say, âThereâs no way what you did constitutes resisting arrest.â But be abstract when you need to convey authority or are trying to imply the future success of a project.
- Confidence: Maybe you feel like a sock puppet in a world of hand models. Well, Iâm 100% certain that hedging is a bad idea. And I never hesitate when I say that. But when it comes to that Supreme Court verdict, hey, I could be wrong but...
- Ask Questions: Follow-up questions make you likeable. And asking questions doesnât make you sound dumb.
- Talking To Yourself: Eric thinks that talking to yourself in the third person reduces anxiety. And I âdonâtâ quit writing until the blog post is finished.
So what magic words predict who will get fired, who will quit, who will get promotions and raises â and even whether a first date will lead to a second date? It all came down to similarity. Jonahâs research showed that in the office and our personal lives a level of assimilation around language is normal and expected. Consciously and unconsciously, we usually want to fit in. And people who used more similar language to others often did fit in and were more likely to get promotions and raises. When language diverged, the person often didnât fit in or didnât want to fit in. And those people were more likely to quit or be fired. Whatâs interesting is that fitting in isnât always good. Songs that were atypical (they used words not usually found in that genre) did better. The difference drove success. The lesson here? Similarity is safe but sometimes boring. Difference is exciting but sometimes risky. Fitting in at the office matters while excitement is good in entertainment. So some changes in the words you use can make a big difference. Give these tips a shot. But most importantly, Iâd like to thank you for reading⦠Oops. I mean, Iâd like to thank you for being a reader. ***If you are one of those lovely people who bought "Plays Well With Others" please leave a review on Amazon [here](. Thanks!*** Email Extras Findings from around the internet... + Want to know the six foods that reduce your chance of dying? Click [here](. + Want to know the habit that will make your kids smarter and happier? Click [here](. + Want to know the fun way to make sure your memory doesn't get worse as you age? Click [here](. + Miss my prior post? Here you go: [5 Rituals To Keep You Happy All The Time](. + Want to know the scientific way to stay young? Click [here](. + You read to the end of the email. I'm not sure I'm terribly persuasive but if you're down here I did something right. And I thank you. Alrighty -- it's Crackerjack time: We can't all look like the people on the covers of romance novels. Nerds need love too. And if you want to see what "incredibly romantic" looks like for nerds, click [here](.
Thanks for reading!
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