Barking Up The Wrong Tree May 15th, 2023 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my new book become a bestseller! To check it out, click [here](. --------------------------------------------------------------- This Is How To Get Unstuck: 5 Secrets From Research ([Click here]( to read on the blog) There are moments in life that make you say, âAnd just how did I end up here?â You feel neck-deep in a quagmire of âstuck.â Not only has your desired future not arrived, it might not even seem possible anymore. You wish deus ex machina was really a thing. And feeling stuck isnât even the scariest part. Whatâs scary is getting used to it. Whether itâs career, relationships or big picture life goals, we all get to a point where we no longer feel weâre on our way to our dreams. Youâre not alone. You might think itâs a [midlife crisis]( but itâs even more common than that â research shows we actually start to ponder these issues consistently at the end of every decade of life. Thereâs a [predictable pattern](. At 28 people start questioning the meaningfulness of their lives. It peaks at 29. And then declines at 30. And then we go through the cycle again at 38, 48, 58, etc. For some people it quickly resolves with the turn of the decade â but others feel stuck. So Adam Alter did a study to see how people feel about it and discovered three insights. First, itâs ubiquitous. We all feel it. Second, people donât realize just how common it is -- which makes them feel worse. And finally, the stuck we feel can be internal or external. External means we literally donât have what it takes to move forward. We lack the money or resources. But thatâs only true in 10% of cases. The other 90% is internal. And that form of âstuckâ is surmountable. By making a change we can move forward and get back on track toward fulfillment. And thatâs what weâre going to talk about because itâs within your control. Adam Alter is a professor of marketing at New York Universityâs Stern School of Business. His book is â[Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to Get Unstuck When It Matters Most]( Letâs get to it... Simplify And Pivot Just because you feel stuck doesnât mean itâs time to completely overhaul your life. Often, itâs just a matter of finding the âfriction point.â Is there one area of your life you can adjust to get back on track? Take a second to review the different facets of your life. Whatâs working and whatâs not. Is the blockage something complex like âhappinessâ or âmeaningâ or is it just a matter of changing jobs or getting out of that horrible relationship? Often, itâs just a matter of clearing that one choke point. This can feel distressing because we want to think we had that area of life âsolved.â Got the job, got the partner, and now I donât have to think about it anymore. But sometimes our first attempt doesnât âsolveâ the problem and we need to try again. Remember, Google wasnât the first search engine â actually it was the 22nd. And Amazon wasnât the first online retailer. Sometimes we need to pivot to something new. Or maybe not. Maybe itâs not an issue of just tweaking one thing and we need to make a much, much bigger change. You may need to do an overhaul like a totally new career or a very different life path. So youâre going to need ideas... New Idea Generation So youâre looking for Life 2.0. (Or maybe Life 7.2.) The first step is to start generating ideas. Donât hold back. Remove all your âthis isnât reasonableâ filters and let it all pour out on paper or a Word doc. âBut I couldnât possibly...â Yes, you could. You could move to Tibet and don saffron robes. Write it all down. No self-censoring just yet. Drag your inner critic out of the building with a giant fishhook. Just vomit ideas and dreams down onto the page. Research consistently shows [quantity produces quality](. The people who generate the most ideas end up generating the best ideas with time. The people who have [multiple threads]( in each area of life have more options and end up with better results. Your chance of ending up happy is increased when you have more job options, more friends, more projects, more marriages... Okay, not more marriages. But you get the point. Mom told you not to âput all your eggs in one basket.â Mom was right. Whatâs the difference between a long musical career and being a [one-hit wonder]( Having a more diverse, creative portfolio that provides more options going forward. âBut I canât think of anything!â Keep trying. People love the idea of persistence but, truth is, people usually give up pretty quickly when their minds go blank. In [studies]( people often think that after their first attempts at idea generation, theyâre totally spent. Empty. But when researchers push them to try again they generate just as many ideas during their second attempt at brainstorming â and those ideas are independently rated as even more creative than the first set. Set a number of ideas you want to reach and donât stop until youâve exceeded it, even if it takes multiple attempts. A good rule of thumb is coming up with 50% more than whatever you think is possible. And so now youâre ready? Heck, no. You canât just think. You need to experiment and test... Experiments If youâre going to find your [ultimate life path]( it would be a really good idea to look somewhere other than your living room. The only ideas that are really going to work are ones that have been tried and tested in the real world to see if they really bring you joy, are interesting and have the proper âfit.â What produces âhot streaksâ in careers -- when someone does awesome thing after awesome thing? Research shows it comes down to âexplore-exploit.â You spend time looking for ideas and cheaply test them for validity. Then, when you find one that works, you go all in. You know people who are 100% explore. They never actually act on their desires. And we all know people who are 100% exploit. They go from thing to thing with no preparation or planning. Neither of these are optimal. Itâs the balance of the two that creates success. So whatâs an easy way to make sure youâre on the right track? It comes down to âyesâ and âno.â When youâre in the explore phase, you want to be saying âyesâ more. Taking advantage of opportunities to try things and seeing what holds promise. And then once one âclicksâ you shift to the exploit phase and want to be saying ânoâ more. This protects time and energy and produces the focus you need to make it work. When you have no idea what to do or try, sometimes merely acting can help get you unstuck. Start saying yes and trying more things. Yeah, many of them wonât work. Thatâs all part of the plan. The only thing in Vegas that consistently pays out is the ATM. Itâs a gamble at first and thatâs okay. Eventually, youâll find something worth moving to the exploit phase on. But the problem there is we can get stuck trying to get unstuck... The Muddy Middle Youâre moving forward on your new path but itâs taking longer than you thought and itâs harder than you thought. Youâre in a Mexican standoff between who you are and who you want to be. Again, totally normal. We all get stuck there. Psychologists call this the âGoal Gradient Effectâ and youâve probably noticed it yourself. You start fast and aggressive toward a goal in the beginning. And at the very end, when success is in sight, you hustle to the finish line. But that middle part... oof. Thatâs when you slow down, get discouraged â and sometimes even quit. When youâre running a marathon this is tricky, but with personal life goals it can be even trickier. When thereâs no clear finish line itâs more challenging to get that burst of energy we need at the end. And with many big picture life goals like happiness, health and career there isnât a clear end. So what do we do? Shrink the middle. Break it into chunks. Set milestones, even if they seem arbitrary, to give you the feeling of progress. You canât get stuck in the middle if you get rid of the middle. Okay, the finish line is in sight. But somehow you donât seem to be reaching it. Itâs the goal equivalent of Zenoâs paradox. You keep moving forward but never quite get there. The issue here isnât the journey. Itâs your standards... Excellence vs Perfection You were stuck and you donât want to be stuck again. You want this to be perfect⦠And thatâs a problem. In 1956, economist Herb Simon posited there way two perspectives on decision-making: maximizing and satisficing. Maximizing is aiming for total perfection. Satisficing is aiming for âgood enough.â Which one do you think is preferable? Maximizers get better jobs, make more money, and produce better work. They end up doing objectively better. They also end up feeling worse. Itâs often not worth the trade. [Maximizing]( is basically perfectionism, and perfectionism does produce better results â it just makes us stressed and miserable. Perfectionism is dealing with a tyrannical boss. But the tyrant is you. âBut I donât want to settle!â Of course you donât. But you also didnât do all this to hate your life. So whatâs the solution? Aim for excellence, not perfection. Research has shown that while perfectionism breaks us down, aiming for excellence builds us up. It increases both performance and well-being. You can be excellent without being perfect. And studies show those who focus on it end up doing much better than perfectionists on creative tasks â you know, like finding new paths in life. Perfectionism prevents you from ever reaching the goal of unstuckedness and makes you unhappy in the process. (If you really want to fail to accomplish things and make yourself miserable at the same time, just install Twitter on your phone.) Okay, time to round it all up â and learn what we have to do to make this all worth it... Sum Up This is how to get unstuck:
- Simplify And Pivot: If youâre trapped in a depthless dystopia, the first step isnât to totally overhaul your life. See if thereâs one âfriction pointâ you can adjust to pivot to a more promising path.
- New Idea Generation: If you do need to overhaul things, generate tons of ideas. And then when youâre utterly empty, generate even more. Luck = preparation + more possibilities.
- Experiments: If you just keep thinking and donât test those ideas you will learn everything about yourself except the truth. Explore and Exploit. Keep saying âyesâ until something clicks and then start saying âno.â
- The Muddy Middle: It can feel like an epic Greek myth -- but youâre Sisyphus. We always slow down in the middle. So break it up into sub-goals. You canât get stuck in the middle if there is no middle.
- Excellence vs Perfection: Perfectionism makes us miserable. You on some kind of kamikaze mission? Satisfice and strive for excellence instead of perfection.
This is not a clean, linear path. Neither is life. Youâre going to have to cycle through a few times to get unstuck. But thatâs okay because as long as youâre learning lessons, failure leads to success. Researchers looked at a variety of different domains to determine why some people go from failure to success and why others keep on failing. Turns out those who eventually succeeded failed more often early on. Yeah, staying in the game longer means youâre more likely to succeed but the real takeaway was [the importance of learning](. Those who tried and failed and tried again gained insights each time. As Edison once said, âMany of lifeâs failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.â Near misses mean future wins so donât give up -- and keep learning. Normally when people trot out the old cliché âwhat doesn't kill me makes me strongerâ my first thought is âI pray a meteor tries to make you stronger.â But theyâre correct. Adam writes, âThe richest advances come from getting stuck and then unstuck over and over; from learning what works and what doesnât; from persevering in the face of difficult lessons.â This is solid life advice worthy of a few âMementoâ-style tattoos. Donât let yourself stay stuck. Youâre the protagonist in the movie of your life and what you think is Act Three might only be Act One. You might feel like you donât have enough time left for a big shift but you have more time than you think. I really hope you donât have to realize that the hard way. The crisis of being stuck can feel like a near-death experience. But when it leads you to something better, youâll realize itâs not... Itâs a near-life experience. ***If you are one of those lovely people who bought "Plays Well With Others" please leave a review on Amazon [here](. Thanks!*** Email Extras Findings from around the internet... + Want to know something simple to improve your health and happiness? Click [here](. + Want to know the #1 job interview tip from Google recruiters? Click [here](. + Want to know the fun way to be a better leader? Click [here](. + Miss my prior post? Here you go: [How To Be Resilient: 5 Steps To Success When Life Gets Hard](. + Want to know the simple way to be more creative at work? Click [here](. + You read to the end of the email. You don't seem very stuck to me. And thank you for reading. As foretold in the ancient prophecies -- it's Crackerjack time: Time to address one of the biggest (and most adorable) mysteries of all time! Why do dogs tilt their heads to one side? For the answer, click [here](.
Thanks for reading!
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