Why My Husband and I Tried Polyamory After Being Monogamous for 10 Years

[View this email in your browser]( | [Manage newsletter subscriptions](newsletter=all2) [Allure logo image]( March 25, 2023 [illustration featuring two sets of clasped hands representing a polyamorous relationship]( Welcome to [Doing It](, a column by sex educator and writer Varuna Srinivasan. This month, we explore the experiences of longtime couples who take the plunge into ethical nonmonogamy. Neféli was in her marriage for over 12 years before she and her partner decided to open things up. The 31-year-old pastry chef, who lives in Greece, offered the background story of her partnership—a marriage that has since ended. After years of being together, Neféli recalls, she and her now ex-partner considered indulging in a threesome as their first foray into polyamory. Someone in a [polyamorous relationship]( can have more than one relationship at a time and, when you have been together monogamously for as long as they were, jumping into an all-new romantic structure can be daunting. "We opened our relationship this summer, after 11 years of being together in a monogamous relationship where even flirting we considered cheating," Neféli recalls. "We had a very strong foundation with excellent communication and honesty, so we felt it was safe to take that step." Even those who only date monogamously, or [who do not date at all](, have likely heard the term ethical nonmonogamy. Unlike unethical monogamy—in other words, cheating or infidelity—partners who practice ethical nonmonogamy are open about their partners outside their marriage or relationship. Oftentimes, these experiences may be purely sexual, but—depending on whether a couple decides to open up their relationship sexually, romantically, or emotionally—the terminology and hierarchy can change. Swinging, open relationships, and "monogamish" relationship types all fall under this umbrella. There are many misconceptions surrounding open relationships and polyamory, so we spoke to real couples who've tried it for themselves. The question: What is it really like to open your marriage up after 10-plus years of monogamy? To learn more about open marriages, including Neféli and her ex's experiences trying one, catch up on the [latest edition of Doing It](. [READ MORE]( [Sign up for Allure's Beauty Box]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Instagram]( [Pinterest]( This e-mail was sent to you by [allure.com](. To ensure delivery to your inbox (not bulk or junk folders), please add our e-mail address, allure@newsletters.allure.com, to your address book. View our [Privacy Policy]( [Unsubscribe]( or [Manage your newsletter subscriptions](newsletter=all2) Copyright © Condé Nast 2023. One World Trade Center, New York, NY 10007. All rights reserved.